Voicelessness and Emotional Survival--The Four Questions pg. 3

Parents who provide their children inadequate answers to the four questions are not necessarily narcissistic. Sometimes, they are struggling with the same questions themselves: who they are, what value do they have, how can they get people (including their own children) to see and hear them--and sometimes should they live or not. Without definitive, fundamental answers, parents lack the emotional resources to answer the questions for their own children. The intergenerational cycle continues until finally someone gets help.

Psychotherapy provides answers to the four questions. Therapy is not, however, an intellectual process. A therapist gently uncovers the vulnerable self, nurtures and values it, allows it to grow free of shame and guilt, and provides comfort, security, and an attachment. Just as in the parent-child relationship, the subtext of the therapist-client relationship is critical: it must be loving.