Voicelessness and Emotional Survival

Imagine living in a world where the most important people in your life couldn't hear you---- your thoughts, feelings, wishes, or intents. For most, this is the stuff of nightmares or Twilight Zone-like science fiction. But if you grew up with narcissistic parents, or live with a narcissistic spouse or partner, this world is very real. You know what it is like to be voiceless.

Relationships

     Why Do Some People Choose One Bad Relationship After Another?   Psychoanalysts, citing Freud's
                                            "pleasure principle", have suggested masochism as the answer. Why else would
                                             people suffer the same pain and humiliation over and over again? Here's another
                                             explanation.

     Why Can't Some People Maintain Intimate Relationships?   Many people retreat from close emotional
                                             contact, frustrating spouses and partners.   Here's a look at the problem from the
                                             perspective of childhood "voicelessness."

     Voicelessness: Narcissism Narcissism is a misnomer. At their core narcissists don't love themselves -- in
                                             fact their self barely exists, and what part does exist is deemed worthless. All
                                             energy is devoted to inflating the self...

     Couples Counseling: Is Better Communication Enough? We've read it in all the popular magazines:
                                             better communication leads to a happier marriage. But is better communication
                                             enough?

     Narcissism (the disorder) vs. Healthy Narcissism What is the difference between pathological narcissism
                                             and "healthy narcissism"?

Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents

     Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents: Is Love Enough? Even in situations where love is present,
                                             something critical is missing.

     Little Voices    Deprived of voice in childhood, some people shrink or twist themselves like a pretzel to fit into
                                             others' worlds.

     Narcissistic Parents: Voice Wars   Some children lacking voice aggressively and self-destructively strive to
                                             regain agency in childhood. Later, these adaptations interfere, often dramatically,
                                             with adult relationships.

     The Four Questions Who am I? Do I have any value? Why doesn't anyone see or hear me? Why should
                                             I live?

     Do Narcissistic Parents Love Their Children? A survey of members of the Voicelessness and Emotional
                                             Survival Message Board.

     Depression and the Subtext of Family Life In the psychology of children and adults from narcissistic
                                             families, hidden messages rule.


Parenting

     Giving Your Child "Voice"    Fundamental to a child's self-esteem and emotional well being is their sense of
                                             "voice." How do you ensure your child receives this lifelong gift?

     Voice Lessons: Littleton, Colorado    What can be learned about parenting from the Columbine High School
                                              tragedy? (Guest column reprinted from the Brookline Tab, May 13, 1999 and
                                              excerpted in Massachusetts Psychologist, June, 1999)

Psychotherapy

     Psychotherapy and Humanism    Life experience has taught me that humanism plays a critical role in the
                                               healing process.

     Therapy on the High Seas: A Search for Self What happens when an adult child of a narcissistic family
                                               faces progressive heart failure? Consider this account of a man's struggle for
                                               physical and emotional survival.

     Dreams, Imagined Dreams--Failed Therapy Therapists can not only heal, they can hurt.

     So, You're Thinking of Becoming a Therapist Learning about subtext is critical. Here's an exercise
                                               based upon Robert Frost's poem, "Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Evening."

Talks and Personal Essays

     Vulnerability: The Roots of Compassion   Response to the 9/11 terrorist attack (Guest column reprinted
                                              from The Brookline TAB, September 27, 2001)

     Bump, Bump, Bump Sometimes life gets off to a rough start--and one can be shaken for life. (Invited talk:
                                             Contemporary Spiritual Experience, Brookline, MA, September, 2002)

     Have an Abnormally Good Year! (Invited talk: Contemporary Spiritual Experience, Brookline, MA,
                                             September, 2005)

     Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Meaning (Invited talk: Contemporary Spiritual Experience, Brookline, MA,
                                              October, 2006)

     What Dare We Hope? (Invited talk: Contemporary Spiritual Experience, Brookline, MA,
                                              September 2007)



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If you would like to discuss your experiences with narcissistic spouses/partners or narcissistic parents, you are invited to join the Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board.

Therapists: Do you treat adult children of narcissistic parents or spouses/partners of narcissistic people? If so, please consider joining the new Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Therapist List.