Author Topic: Medium Chill  (Read 11610 times)

Lollie

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Medium Chill
« on: August 29, 2009, 09:09:20 PM »
Medium Chill

When they lash out Ė show no anger.
When they are nice Ė do not reciprocate.

Be distant and flat in both cases. When they sense they cannot manipulate your reaction, they tend to leave you alone.

Tell them nothing, ask for nothing, and offer vacuous pleasantries. Medium Chill gives no appearance of withdrawal, so they canít accuse you of giving them the cold shoulder. You are there, youíre just not present to them in an emotional way.

Medium Chill is effective because they no longer feel safe in their ability to generate chaos. Now youíre back in control. It takes a bit of practice as you learn o disconnect from them emotionally. Itís about more than just boundaries. To put it another way, itís a two-part process with a specific attitude:

1)   Never share personal information about yourself
2)   Never get involved in their problems/drama

Attitude: pleasant, modest, implacably calm Ė never showing anger or compassionate involvement; paying attention, but not too much attention, while never violating items one or two above.

Remember, a person can only use information they know about you to find your hot buttons and use them against you if they are highly manipulative. So donít let them know your hot buttons.

Does your personality-disordered loved one pick fights with you when something is wrong with him/her? When you practice Medium Chill, you, in essence, become a dull listener. They get bored and move on to someone they have a greater effect on. I swear, it really does work. They will rather quickly see who is the most active listener and turn their energies there.
"Enjoy every sandwich." -- Warren Zevon

cgm1028

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Re: Medium Chill
« Reply #1 on: August 30, 2009, 05:50:42 PM »
I have to agree this works, as I use it myself. 

One of the things my NM used to do was use things against me.  She would either twist my words around or repeat something I told her in confidence as to embarrass me.  With no information this has saved my sanity.  Yes it does take practice to be completely unemotional, cut off as it were, but its worth it.

Lucky

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Re: Medium Chill
« Reply #2 on: September 01, 2009, 03:38:55 AM »
I am very good at disassociating, a bit too good for my taste but it does help me giving N's the medium chill.