Author Topic: Relinquishing Control - Please will you help me? :)  (Read 17831 times)

Twoapenny

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Re: Relinquishing Control - Please will you help me? :)
« Reply #840 on: July 17, 2018, 12:19:08 PM »
More pondering - it's reminding me of two occasions that I had parties that no-one turned up to.  Once when I was a teenager and once as an adult.  Not that I arranged a party but I spent a lot of time thinking about whether to even tell these people I was going.  I did have a mind to just vanish and say nothing so that leap of trust I made in them was pretty big (for me) so yes, it is smarting a bit that they've not got in touch to say bye.  It will be nice to be away from this and not be let down by people.  My phamily in the new area aren't like this; plans are already afoot for moving in day with friends coming to help after work and one friend going to collect the cat for me so I don't have to worry about picking her up in amongst all the moving day madness.  I'm going to sort out some dinner and then get myself into the bath; my back easing off will help a lot x

Hopalong

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Re: Relinquishing Control - Please will you help me? :)
« Reply #841 on: July 17, 2018, 12:31:32 PM »
Bear in mind that SOME people will definitely let you down in future,
as that's human nature.

I think what will change is your ability to roll with that without losing
faith in humanity, build a more resilient and flexible way of reacting
to social behaviors (or misbehaviors) when people just don't live up
to what you'd like them to.

It's inevitable. Some will be a solid delight and others more shaky.
But the sounder you get within yourself, the less you'll feel you have
to control or fear or avoid reaching out to others. Because you'll have
your serenity and inner happiness no matter what they do.

Sure, transitory disappointment or let-down will happen. But I don't
think it will always hurt so much.

Can't change others. CAN change yourself (not by isolating or growing
afraid of liking or reaching out). Just by building emotional resilience.

You're already doing so much of that Tupp, it'll only increase in a better
location.

xxoo
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

lighter

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Re: Relinquishing Control - Please will you help me? :)
« Reply #842 on: July 17, 2018, 12:46:58 PM »
So, Tupp... it was the cat that went astray first thing.  We knew something wouldn't be perfect, but that was a surprise.  Lots of stress, plan off a bit, but nothing you can't overcome. 

Thank goodness you didn't break your ankle, kwim?  Just 2 hours gone amiss, and you're still moving ahead. 

About sadness, and the feeling young Tupp is being left behind.  It feels, for me, that young Tupp is no longer responsible, and in charge.... and perhaps she feels she's being left behind.  Maybe reassure her she's welcome, has a place, will always have a place, and it's her time to rest now that grown Tupp is in control.... protecting both of you.

She gets to leave the old memories, and landmarks behind TOO.  She gets to move past, and beyond WITH you.... she's not getting left behind.  The sadness muddles things up, IME.  Sometimes it's hard to discern what we're mourning, and there are things you will rightfully mourn in this. 

All the things you're leaving behind.... the people who should have loved, protected, and helped you.... but didn't.  The hope they ever could, or ever will.... it's time to release that hope.  That's what you're all leaving behind.  It's heartbreaking, and so your hearts will, and should, break. 

Mending has already begun.  The drive, the move, the cleaning process, the phamily gatherings will be new tribal land for these rituals.   Setting up house, and forming new routines.  Feeling comfortable in your new surroundings, and making discoveries.  New people, and places.  Possibility opens, away from the past, and you turn to adult Tupp's future. 

If there's a chance you have time to find a new T, perhaps that can be of moving with efficiency through the mourning process, and into the present.  It's necessary to mourn... sometimes feels like it won't ever end..... but it will, esp if you grab it by the horns, and shake it around without fear.... with curiosity, and bravery.  No sidestepping.  It's yours to deal with, and put to rest.  You can do this too. 

All the moving, and cleaning, and paperwork you've done, many times.  You'll do that well, as always.  Putting young Tupp at ease the new trick.  It won't go on forever.  Don't fear it will.  Know all this pain leads to serenity, and more joy.

((((Tupp and young Tupp)))

::Sending Amazon strength, and resolve to get you through::.

Remember.... stay curious.  Don't let fear have you.  It's behind you now.  You're in control of your life.  Not the past.

Lighter




Twoapenny

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Re: Relinquishing Control - Please will you help me? :)
« Reply #843 on: Today at 03:51:15 AM »
Thank you both :)  Still reeling a bit from all of it - busy is not the word!  But we're here and I was greeted by an enormous seagull on my shed roof this morning :)

It's kind of been okay.  Very tiring and very stressful, but we've weathered it and now we're starting to surface again and get back to normal - or our new kind of normal, I should say!

Two guys came to load the van for us - very nice, very efficient, worked very hard.  We left quite a bit later than planned as everything took longer than I thought it would and son and I did go on a bit of a farewell walk around the village, just to give him a chance to see things for a final time and just to get some air and stretch our legs a bit.  I was so tired by the time we set off that I was worried that driving that far in that big van was dangerous and did think about finding somewhere to stay the night and just getting off the road.  The traffic was good, though, and we stopped for a coffee which gave me a second wind so we powered on through.  We got to our B and B about 8pm after a 5am start - long day and very tiring.  The BnB was lovely, very comfortable, the owner was very nice and had a very friendly dog and two friendly cats.  We both had a shower and turned in for the night, then had a nice cooked breakfast before setting off again.  I did prang the van on the way out; the turn was very tight and I misjudged it.  I couldn't see any damage so I'm just hoping I don't get a repair bill through.

We got to the new place and it smelt damp and musty, even after all the cleaning.  The guys that were unloading for us this end rang to say they were running late so I started to clean and unpack the kitchen and found a small leak under the sink.  Landlord was very good and got someone round straight away; the leak was fixed and the source of the musty smell dealt with.  And from that point on it has been a sea of unpacking and cleaning.  We're not straight yet.  Once the essentials were done I spent a day on the sofa and am intending to potter about and relax as much as possible from here on in.  The main thing is we're in, everything's grand and I don't think anyone knows we moved :) xx