Author Topic: Beware the scorned NM  (Read 97 times)

Ales2

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Beware the scorned NM
« on: June 04, 2018, 12:35:45 PM »
Frustrating morning yesterday.  A very heated conversation with my NM.

I left feeling a little defeated, terribly misunderstood and definitely unheard, but after  a conversation with my higher self and some Malibu sun and sand, my self respect had returned and I was feeling better.  I was in fact, again, overcompensating, trying to explain something about myself to someone who does not care to listen.

I’m a much stronger person now and can choose to be empowered or disempowered by the situation. The hurt is gone.

Here is more of less the short hand of the conversation:

1.   The usual problems with listening and understanding.
2.   She insults me about being between jobs again but can’t remember the titles of my last three jobs and which ones were paid positions and which were for credit only positions.
3.   She discovered via Google that I have posted on some NM sites (mostly on facebook) and thinks she is an N. 
4.   When asked how she felt about the posts, she refused to answer. I asked are you angry? Hurt? Offended? No response. She wants to talk to “someone” to help her answer that. Emotional dishonesty.
5.   She then mentioned the people who lose their jobs over posting on the internet, so I ask, are you telling me that I will lose my job? Or this is why I am between jobs?”  Her response “Oh, I never said that".  I respond with, "No you implied it, what do you really mean?"  No response from her.
6.   She insults me with “Which positions have you had in the last 8 years” not remembering what I’ve just completed.
7.   When asked how she remembers things, seeing, hearing, writing, experiencing, she had not response to that.
8.   Doesn’t know my work or projects because she does not know what a website is or a lifestyle marketing show or a business plan.
9.   Hung up on me.
10.   I yelled because I was not heard. I’ve never really yelled at anyone else in my life.
11.   Wants peace but refuses to resolve actual problems. Peace is a mirage. 
12.   Claims to love me and want the best for me, so I told her “love is listening” and she can’t seem to do that. Also, has no idea what is actually best for me.

So, here we are, another argument.

To maintain my self respect, I cannot let her into my world in any way.

I need a really fast red convertible Jaguar, an Savvanah cat named Shera, a Calvin Klein wardrobe, lots of gold and diamond jewelry, extensive international travel, a solid producing job, a supportive husband and an overflowing bank account....that would help!
« Last Edit: June 04, 2018, 04:04:24 PM by Ales2 »

Ales2

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Re: Beware the scorned NM
« Reply #1 on: June 04, 2018, 01:41:40 PM »
 Rather than being your thoughts and emotions, be the awareness behind them.

--Eckhart Tolle

sKePTiKal

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Re: Beware the scorned NM
« Reply #2 on: June 05, 2018, 07:00:28 AM »
There's another option - you may not find it feasible.

Make it impossible for her to ding your self-respect. Not saying interactions still won't frustrate you, make you crazy... but that is HER PROBLEM to deal with, not yours. You know how far you've come, and YOU get to make the measurements about what "successful" means. Not her.

Opinions. Everyone's got one. Doesn't make them "right" -- even if that's what they believe.
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

Ales2

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Re: Beware the scorned NM
« Reply #3 on: June 05, 2018, 11:55:36 AM »
sKePTiKal  --

There's another option - you may not find it feasible.  ~Its feasible and I have done it in the past. The mistake I made was again, overcompensating, giving her a chance when I know it will only end the same way. I opened up when I know I shouldn't have.

Make it impossible for her to ding your self-respect. Not saying interactions still won't frustrate you, make you crazy... but that is HER PROBLEM to deal with, not yours. You know how far you've come, and YOU get to make the measurements about what "successful" means. Not her.  ~ Yes, yes, yes

Opinions. Everyone's got one. Doesn't make them "right" -- even if that's what they believe. ~ yes, yes and more yes!

My mistake is that I sometimes forget the lesson of don't talk to the deaf and don't overcompensate.  They want to information, they have to ask. If they don't ask, you don't tell. Its the way of keeping the boundary.

Thanks for your post, you are right on.


sKePTiKal

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Re: Beware the scorned NM
« Reply #4 on: June 05, 2018, 06:34:15 PM »
No matter how many years you've been practicing, some days you just fall for the bait. It happens to the best of us.
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

Hopalong

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Re: Beware the scorned NM
« Reply #5 on: June 05, 2018, 10:17:37 PM »
I spent half my life as a fish, Ales.

Bait hooks us in our belief that we can make personality reality change....
and it's painful. Especially when it's a mother we wish could comfort us.

AND, everybody has thrashing on the hook incidents.

Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Ales2

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Re: Beware the scorned NM
« Reply #6 on: June 06, 2018, 12:00:43 AM »
Thanks for all the support!