Author Topic: Overcompensating and tired of it...  (Read 86 times)

Ales2

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Overcompensating and tired of it...
« on: May 31, 2018, 08:00:12 PM »
The short story is....

Very tired and frustrated today of working with or interacting with people who cannot be direct! Tired of overcompensating and doing all the work to understand, clarify and be specific!  If this was a police interrogation maybe......but a supposed professional or personal relationship where the participants have high regard for one another?  Exhausting!

Person A makes a vague statement
I respond with specifics that lead to a misunderstanding, but when I ask for clarification, they don't know what they want......


So over it!!!!!!!!!! :x

lighter

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Re: Overcompensating and tired of it...
« Reply #1 on: May 31, 2018, 09:19:40 PM »
Sorry, Ales.

The truth is, I think I do both.

Lighter


Twoapenny

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Re: Overcompensating and tired of it...
« Reply #2 on: June 01, 2018, 12:36:43 AM »
I think people not knowing what they want is part of the problem!  They can't be direct because they're not really sure what they're asking for or what they need.  I get it all the time with 'professionals' who're involved with my son.  Some vague notion of wanting a 'meeting' to 'discuss' things but when I ask what I need to know they've got no idea.  The only thing I can suggest is not to put in a lot of work trying to understand.  Keep it simple:  "what exactly do you mean by that?" (pen poised to write it all down!).  And when they come back with nothing; "okay, well let me know when you know.  Email's good!".  And leave it at that.  It is frustrating and one of those skills I think people should be taught as early in life as possible! x

Hopalong

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Re: Overcompensating and tired of it...
« Reply #3 on: June 01, 2018, 10:09:38 AM »
May sound antiquated, but I think a lot of this has to do with education.

Kids who really internalize what coherent sentences are including the specifics of composition, usually grow up to be clearer communicators. (Don't ask me to quote grammatical rules, I forget half the terms...but I do know instinctively most of the time what's a strong clear sentence and what isn't. BTW, I don't judge informal writing style at all...or I wouldn't have the nerve to post, being Miss Lingua Slopsalot myself.)

But if somebody has trouble with clear communication AND some kind of buzz-in-the-head that prevents declarative sentences (not always but often girls/women raised to be "nice," aka indirect, do) -- it can be so much work for another party who happens to be logical, methodical, and reason-focused.

Hope when you return to the conversation it won't feel quite so frustrating. The other party's blocks and buzzes don't have to become your own. Breeeaaaaaaathe through it, it'll be okay.

Good luck!
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Ales2

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Re: Overcompensating and tired of it...
« Reply #4 on: June 01, 2018, 10:22:38 PM »
Lighter - You probably do it less than you think. Thanks for your post!

Two - Sorry for the Frustrations with your son and professionals and yes, effective communication needs to be taught better. Thanks for your post!

Hops - Yep, education in seriously lacking in this specific person in this instance. The inability to be direct with the two parts of the sentence killed it... and its very simple stuff...Thanks for your post!

>I/We/You/Me need to see Somebody. 
>Who needs to see Somebody and who is the somebody?

Seriously, it was that simple. 

>We need to see a counselor.
>I need to see a lawyer and get back to you
and so on...

 

lighter

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Re: Overcompensating and tired of it...
« Reply #5 on: June 02, 2018, 11:19:27 AM »
Ales:

I get quickly frustrated when the same people fail to be specific with the I/we/you/me references.  If I have to stop the conversation, ask 5 frustrating questions about who we're talking about, then remind the person, who snaps my head off over being reminded again to be specific.... Oy. 
So.
Frustrating.
You're right.

I think I fail to communicate succinctly when I haven't processed something, and need more time to do so.  That can be frustrating for those around me who want an answer NOW PLEASE!  I understand their frustration, but I don't always process on their time line.
Lighter