Author Topic: Reprint- 20 solutions to NMothers  (Read 221 times)


  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 691
Reprint- 20 solutions to NMothers
« on: July 24, 2018, 01:57:46 PM »

For my friends here on the Board, here is the 20 solutions list that went around the Internet. I find it very helpful and its in a progressive list, you can work your way down and see progress. All the best to everyone here!

N Mother – 20 Solutions

1.   See a therapist or counselor trained in Narcissistic Mothers
2.   Read the variety of books and articles on the topic
3.   Start a journal to understand your own wounds and document experiences; Inventory and address any wounds, deficits, defaults you may have.
4.   Learn the various communication dynamics that Ns use to hurt you
5.   Resolve any issues with financial or emotional dependence, healing requires true autonomy.
6.   Stay on track with your Life Goals, seek support if necessary. Recovery should not interfere.
7.   Learn a spiritual practice that helps calm and center you. Yoga, meditation etc.
8.   Have a physical outlet that also strengthens you – such as long distance running or weight lifting. Both raise your endorphins and give you physical strength and discipline and clarity of mind.
9.   Become aware of people in your life with the N patterns and avoid them
10.   Become more assertive and Develop Boundaries; Go Limited Contact; Go No Contact; Learn to deal with backlash associated with No Contact and Limited Contact
11.   Learn to deal with extended family, what to say, what to avoid.
12.   Forgive the unforgivable (Dyer) and/or know that Forgiveness is not right for you (Engel)
13.   Seek spiritual answers (Joyce Meyer) accept beauty for ashes, knowing you will receive double recompense and nothing will be wasted.
14.   Develop a support system with other DONMs
15.   Follow the A-I of dealing with Nmothers
16.   Consider means of Alternative healing – Reiki, EFT, Tapping, Accupuncture
17.   Find ways to trust people again
18.   Perspective – there are many ways to handle this problem – Discussion, Denial, Confrontation, Manipulation, Assertiveness, Avoidance, Grateful Flow, Forgiveness, LC, NC, 3rd party assistance, Counseling, Therapy, Active Love, Inner Authority, Courage
19.   Know that All is well, you can handle anything!
20.   Accept you’ve done all the inner and outer work, are aware of your Achilles heel, and surrender it. You can not control it, manipulate it or solve it, it is a challenge to be managed and you have the experience and wisdom to overcome it.
21.   MOVE ON and Don’t look back!


  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 691
Re: Reprint- 20 solutions to NMothers
« Reply #1 on: July 24, 2018, 02:03:56 PM »
A couple of side notes:

#12 and #13 mentions some helpful resources from other sources, including a religious one. I hope no one is offended by this.

#18 has a couple of perspectives (denial, confrontation, manipulation) that are NOT recommended, just listed as a way of looking at a full range of ways people cope.  The other modalities mentioned, Grateful Flow, Active Love and Inner Authority come from the Book, THE TOOLS by Phil Stutz and Barry Michels. I really recommend the Inner Authority tool in the book, its about embracing and accepting your shadow (which includes childhood and N wounds) before it consumes or paralyzes you.