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End of the Road Farm

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sKePTiKal:
Well, it feels like a new phase here... so new thread. The "crap" thread was getting long in the tooth anyway. And we're having a "false spring" now for a few days. The geese are back honking their pleasure with how full the pond is... and all the things I didn't get done last summer are still there.

How does that happen?! Where have those pesky elves gotten off to? I spent yesterday in front of a special edition of Apocalypse Now with my garden catalogs... looking up websites, etc on the ipad. And then I remembered - well - first you need DIRT, and some levelled paths... and beds... and tools where I will use them...

So I've had a nice navel-gazing at home vacation. I got new glasses (and yes, brain works better when the visual input is clearer! New eye doctor speaks a little neuroscience.) The Amy thing looks temporarily BETTER with a promise of her finally dealing with it, once and for all - if she sticks with it. I'm getting a lot more comfortable running into the big town "over the mountain"... it's getting light earlier and dark later... and I MIGHT have turned over enough rocks on the dating website to find someone who's actually local to me, that seems cozy - not really trying to prove anything, and is looking to just "explore" possibilities. We'll be talking off the website, because like me... he's got some issues with it.

So, to keep myself still trusting myself that I can do this without wading into a sinkhole filled with snakes & alligators... I'm going to run scotch tape over my bathroom mirror and write "boundaries!!!" on it in sharpie. He's a year younger than me and I still feel like a cougar because of it. Then, I remind myself of how I felt around Ronnie (until we talked) and the fact he's Holly's age.

And I think I've seen something new about myself in this process... how I work really really hard to "be there" for people... in hopes that they like me. Sometimes to my own detriment - because quite simply and uncomplicatedly - I'm just lonely. Much as my solitude has been freeing and healing... being extreme solitude... it's time for a new balance.

I don't want to be as busy working as was last summer. I want to build in time in that schedule for people and things that are good for me. Move a little slower while I'm working on the "next phase" around here... because I need to pay attention to what it "wants to be"... not what I can make out of it.

Twoapenny:
That all sounds really good and positive, Skep.  Steps forward, slowing down a bit, looking for opportunities but not needing to rush into anything or make something happen.  I'll keep my fingers crossed on the Amy situation.  Keep us updated with things as they happen :) xx

lighter:
Ok..... I'm going to skip the speel about not giving too much information....or your town....or address.....or complete social history until he's spilled his and you've talked to a couple exs.

This....

Is new skipping that.

:: nodding::.

sKePTiKal:
uh..... yep Lighter. I've been digging through the internet looking for a trail. Not finding much either. Spideysense is wary.

One marriage; she died 5 years ago. Business website has some.... oddities to it. Web presence is awfully sparse. I'm going to dig just a little deeper before I attempt a reply. And then, I'll be asking some local-area type questions. Can't be too careful with people on the internet - especially sites like that.

Hopalong:
Bravo. I love how you're approaching this.

Interested while intelligent.
Excited while not letting fantasy outstrip reality.
Attracted while waiting to verify.

Yes yes.

My big one, (from my own experience bias) is that since writing is my comfort zone, the way I both open myself to others AND "manage" my presentation thus actually remain in "hiding"...means I can get caught in lengthy online relationships with men that take so much energy, fuel my fantasizing side endlessly, and allow me to AVOID real-life men....is tricky.

When you're literally geographically isolated, much less alone...you can't build real connection online unless it's the kind of thing where you never have serious hopes of meeting this man IRL.

I'm babbling, but Judith Sills' advice has stayed with me. DON'T -- if you're looking for a real-life mate -- build a huge relationship in writing or correspondence. START it there, of course. That's great! And teddibly modern. But if a spark of interest sustains itself over a few written exchanges, move it to the real or step away.

Because all the time and energy and emotion and imagination and wondering and hoping that you invest in writing emails....is time and energy and emotion and imagination and discovery that you cannot invest in a person sitting across from you.

Coffee.

If possible and plausible and workable for you.

And if not...then maybe the online romance is what you need. I feel my opinions TOO strongly and tend to generalize them as right for everybody else. And I do think that's a pattern of mine and consider myself busted (while offering it anyway, fwiw).

Oy, I wear myself out.

Tickled pink to hear you've reached out and that something happened. Just dunno yet what the something is, and don't want you hurt or disappointed in any way that might cause you to further retrench.

It's good to get out of the trenches, and into the sunshine.

(Preaching to self, as I hide in my bed avoiding my decision about very likely dumping B...more on that on Heist.)

love to you,
Hops

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