Author Topic: Just the crap I've been up to - LOL  (Read 797 times)

sKePTiKal

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3373
Just the crap I've been up to - LOL
« on: September 13, 2017, 04:01:55 PM »
No, it's not really a list. But it started with one!  :LOL:

For three months, I've pretty much had contractors here 4 days out of 7. We're not done yet - but it's getting CLOSE. All the windows and new doors are in; there's some trim yet to complete. The front door mechanicals - the latching system - was screwed up at the factory. So it's boarded, to keep it shut until the new door can arrive. That's not till the last week of the month.   :grumpy:   My front porch is my second living room. I have to walk around - through raindrops sometimes - to get to my covered porch right now. Inconvenient; not what I wanted... but not permanent, either. All in due time.

Contractors have moved on to upgrading the deck railings (they can finish trim in the rain) while the sun is kinda shining. Painters are sealing up the old logs, the new wood and slightly changing the colors. It's gonna look nice. I'm doing the poly on the inside of the windows - it raw pine; and have stained the lower bits of new wood in the living room. The upper part of that former big wall of windows... can just be what it is. It'll age. LOL.

Wood insert & new woodstove are installed. I have another bat in the firebox of the woodstove downstairs. I'm waiting till he's good & dead, before removing him.

I got up way too early this morning, because the arborists were here to take down about 8 trees before 7:30 am. They were done by 10 - brush chipped; logs sawn to size and stacked. Very impressive. So, assuming I can get my buddy to get HIS buddy with the bobcat to get my shed location squared away - I can call Texas and tell 'em to send my barn & shed on the truck up to my area.

Well company is going to inspect the submersible pump on Monday. Electrician coming Friday to replace GFI outlet outside that's exposed to weather. Then I just have to deal with ordering wood (most of what was cut today is NEXT YEAR'S wood; it has to dry)... deal with the water quality in the studio... and move a bunch of stuff into the new buildings so I can work in the garage this winter! LOL.

You know it's hard to find 63" long curtains now a days? I need to try searching again. (THIS is why I sew and need to get my studio set up.)
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

Hopalong

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 10550
Re: Just the crap I've been up to - LOL
« Reply #1 on: September 14, 2017, 06:14:38 PM »
Your to-do, am-doing, gonna-do, planning-to-do lists absolutely flippin' amaze me, PR.

It's an exhilarating Action Journal!

 :)

Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

lighter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5561
Re: Just the crap I've been up to - LOL
« Reply #2 on: September 14, 2017, 09:38:45 PM »
Wowsers, Amber.  That's quite a list. 

Sorry about your front porch, but hey.....

::whispering::

You have a really great porch! 

I'm so channeling lovely outdoor space in this cool weather.  I took all the light things off my back porch, and it's still in my keeping room, which means I have two messed up spaces right now.  I'm ready to have my porch back too.

Yesterday my back went out so I did some research on creating a moss yard.  I found a local gal who has a moss nursery, and she had a site consult cancellation that fit my schedule.  All the news is good, basically, but I'll post the detes on another thread.

I'm glad you're getting your porch back soon.  The fall is such a lovely time to enjoy it, IMO: )
 
What are you doing with all the milled wood?  Are you using it for the shed?

Lighter


sKePTiKal

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3373
Re: Just the crap I've been up to - LOL
« Reply #3 on: September 15, 2017, 03:23:39 PM »
Firewood, Lighter - I have two new woodstoves to break in before peak heating season.

I MOSTLY have my porch back now. The painters are done here and the deck railing fence is up. I just have to hike from the back of the house around the deck to the front now. LOL. And yet this morning, I STILL tried to open the front door.    :shakes head: - that Pavlov sure knew what he was talking about!

I spent 11 hours in bed with the heating pad last night. Woke up somewhere in the middle to worry about various & sundry nonsense, and went back to sleep. Electrician was here - found an additional outlet to make safe - it's all done and we had a nice chat while he was working too. He totally is easy to be around - oozes that calm, it's all under control male energy. Not bad looking either - but he has a really sweet wife, too. (Just my luck!!)

Moving freshly cut to length logs after a crazy busy week was just about all my poor body could take. That wood needs to season - NEXT YEAR'S wood. I'll buy pre-split this year. So I talked myself out doing a single useful thing today, while I recharge the tank. I will get around to the list of things that's my part of these projects - soon enough. And I work fast too. So, I don't have to overdo, and can rest when I need to. A big huge list of important things got taken care of this summer - and we're real close to the finish line. There's more to go - but these were the essentials. The rest will happen at a more leisurely pace.

I'd like to get a massage, a haircut, new glasses and find a new dentist. In that order. And finish up the "little" projects I have hanging around, half finished... from this year's list. My arms hurt from moving the logs (in a good way) - the back is fine after supine application of heat. But it's clearly time to empty my brain of everything it's trying to file into "complete", "ongoing/WIP", and still yet to get done categories... and just embrace cabbage-head-hood. LOL.

Time for a sappy afternoon of chick flicks or an epic historical drama. Popcorn. Graze all day... and replenish the calories I've been burning.
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

lighter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5561
Re: Just the crap I've been up to - LOL
« Reply #4 on: September 15, 2017, 09:27:19 PM »
AmberL

I have to admit, I love splitting wood.  Especially when I'm splitting it with people who're really good at splitting wood, like my brother and BIL, from Canada.   I learn so much.... things go so well... I don't have to worry about watching someone put their hand in the wrong place over and over, etc.  It's another form of walking meditation AND you get all those lovely stacks of wood to burn!

I didn't have time to split all the logs we had last Christmas, so left them under the shed roof to dry out all summer.  The guys move the trees, and cut them, with heavy equipment.  It drops right at the splitter so I don't have to worry about anything but splitting and stacking.  I think BIL tried to teach me to handle the chainsaw last year, but I have too vague a recollection to trust myself without another lesson.   

Next project at my father's is sealing the decka.  I decided on the clear Flood product again.  I hate researching it every 3 years or so, but it has to be done.  I haven't found anything that impresses me more. 

You sound really good, Amber.  It's nice to read your updates: )  How is kitty doing?

Lighter 

sKePTiKal

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3373
Re: Just the crap I've been up to - LOL
« Reply #5 on: September 16, 2017, 11:56:22 AM »
Mio-mio is better. Uses the box to pee in - I'm still finding "presents" other places, but sometimes she'll even put them in the box. She's been confined to my bedroom most of the week, because the contractors have been in/out - and of course taking out a window or door and there's no way to keep her in the house, otherwise. Queenie is settling in - and has been adopted by the painters while they're here. She's been on flea/tick stuff this summer and just got her first dose of wormer. THEN, when it turns cold and the contractors are done - I'll try introducing her into the house.

I'm still having "Michael dedication music nights" - about once a month. Last night was another. It's kind of amazing how fresh the grief stays. But I just dive right into it now... wallow till it's time for bed... and get up the next day and go on. It seems to work out OK to do this - and kinda feels like I'm taking care of my self in the process. Not that I'm fit for human company during those times, mind you. I know I'm definitely open to another relationship some time down the road - but I'm not actively "looking" either.

I did sign up for Our Time - the over 50 online dating service - and so far, haven't seen any reason to subscribe. LOL. I don't have any interest in dealing with most of the kinds of guys I see "looking". Kinda seems like shopping in a thrift store, of old worn-out clothes that I have wonder where that shirt or pair of pants have been... and not sure I even want to touch it! LOL. Maybe it's kinda like grandkids, too - I enjoy them when they're around - and am really relieved to give them back. I have set Holly to keeping an eye out in the city for me, too. I'm not sure we really have the same taste in men - but she's got a pretty good idea of what I might find interesting.

I'll be getting out more and doing things again, when these projects are done. The long list of essentials (to my way of thinking) has provided a reason (or excuse) for me to take my time processing the grief and practicing interacting with guys again. A big part of that practice - is simply just getting to know ME and how I respond to different guys; what I find interesting or attractive or reliable in them. I don't if there are any guys (my age) who might entertain a more casual relationship than "going steady". They all seem to want mommys, housekeepers and nurses... and I've done my share of that in relationships. Not attractive to me anymore. So, I'm kind of my own worst enemy at this "dating project".

With Ronnie around - and his crew of younger guys that are all willing to help out around here for the place to stay during hunting season (and some of my improvements in that area are for them too)... I think it's do-able to try what I want to do here, by myself. His brother was here this morning with the backhoe, and build a shale pad for my little shed -- and fixed up the road into the "huntin ground" too. He said to call him if I need help with anything and Ronnie's not around. It seems like a good deal to me... I might have to throw in some breakfast and cold "beverages" once in a while. And I keep an eye on the wildlife for 'em.
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

sKePTiKal

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3373
Re: Just the crap I've been up to - LOL
« Reply #6 on: September 17, 2017, 09:14:27 AM »
Checking into Tupp's thread, I realized how seldom I actually experience guilt these days. It's kinda like losing 200 lbs. Guilt pulls in - like some kind of black hole - all kinds of other mixed up, homogenized emotions too. I used to put it on in the mornings, like my underwear. It was constantly with me.

I wonder when that happened?   :shock:

I don't think I really worked at trying to get rid of it. I didn't even spend a lot of time over-analyzing it, like normal. Only way I think it's explainable, right now... is that coping with my grief about Mike helped untangle all my emotions into those separate threads of yarn. So I could now point out each one individually, they have their own distinct colors and flavors. Yeah, it took a lot of TIME. Time processing the feelings - by just feeling them. While I kept busy with other things.

The other thing that helped maybe - was putting myself on the "right path" for me. In my location, activities, and giving myself a great big corner of these hills to create my own "country"... things the way I envision them, that I tend, nurture, improve, and help become an oasis of tranquility. I have been given full "command authority" here (from my doc friend) to "make it so". And that seems to be affecting me in some really positive ways. Only now, just noticing.

I'm making more intuitive decisions - and have stopped second-guessing myself at every step of the way. I no longer worry if I've expressed myself in "an acceptable fashion" - or if what I'm expressing is socially acceptable or politically correct. I just AM, me, warts & all.

HUH. Who'd a thunk it? I guess I don't need to know HOW it happened, but I sure am glad it did.
« Last Edit: September 17, 2017, 09:16:06 AM by sKePTiKal »
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

lighter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5561
Re: Just the crap I've been up to - LOL
« Reply #7 on: September 17, 2017, 10:39:52 PM »
Amber:

I was thinking today about getting out of one's own way, and what that means.

Putting down the worry, for me...
you put down guilt, Amber....
let's call it whatever negative stuff we're carrying... if we can put it down, we free ourselves to pick up other things, IME.

My step father always said never to pick up anything when your hands are full, and I think about that a lot. 

Worry was a habit for me. Part of my identity, and who would I be without it, right? 
It's nice to find out.
Lighter

sKePTiKal

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3373
Re: Just the crap I've been up to - LOL
« Reply #8 on: September 30, 2017, 07:53:18 AM »
Since the contractors have been gone, I'm finally slowing down to MY pace again. Room to breathe, relax, think, process, design/plan. Sleep!  ;)

There is a direct positive feedback loop, between getting things done to put the place in order; beef it up for the coming winter; do the maintenance that keeps it secure from the elements... and all my interior sorting and processing.

I can tell when I've finally caught up on my sleep. I'm not greedily falling back asleep to get 8-9 hrs anymore... after 7 or so, I'm already fully conscious and starting to get "moving" again. I do seem real connected to the sun - up with it, and winding down with it - and that seems to be the best schedule for me to keep. Fewer aches & pains, and difficulties with facing the "list" and choosing which of the things seems most important. I only write them down because it doesn't take much for me to get distracted by something and go off in a completely different direction for one reason or another.

The "list" involves my participation in the things the place needs, the nurturing it wants to become what it has the potential to be. We're still in the early days in that process. That will need another winter of just "looking" and "seeing"... "hearing". Most of my tasks are indoors now. I still need to mow again and trim out some shrubby trees... get the weeds down. There are some more purchases required - equipment to help me be capable of doing what's needed by myself without hollaring for some help; some new furniture to provide storage that will fit in my space; serve my purposes... and still a good-sized pile of things to "get rid of".

Time to indulge in taking care of me, too. I need a haircut and the usual round of appts to get new glasses, a new dentist, doc... etc. Some warmer work clothes... new boots (hey, I've been slacking! I don't even have a dozen pair right now!!! LOL)

Summer stuff is on sale right now and I've been thinking a lot about my "outdoor living room" - the front porch. Contractors have left me the materials that were left over; I've got better than 1/2 roll of the fencing they using on the deck railings... and I have plans to build a few things with that.

The traditional tai chi form starts at section I, in January. I think they're only offering this at night - which doesn't work for me anymore. So either I suck it up and go anyway - which means driving back over the mountain at night thru whatever weather; or I figure out something else. It will be almost full dark an hour before the class starts by then... so I'd be night-driving both ways. An hour each way. We'll figure something out. Always do.
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

Hopalong

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 10550
Re: Just the crap I've been up to - LOL
« Reply #9 on: September 30, 2017, 08:56:06 AM »
...barter for a ride to class? Younger member with wheels?

I like Tai Chi. It's been started up at my church but I haven't gone yet.

Kudos on your energy, drive, and list-discipline, PR....so much I could learn.

xo
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

sKePTiKal

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3373
Re: Just the crap I've been up to - LOL
« Reply #10 on: October 01, 2017, 05:35:38 PM »
The list does get tedious Hops. And I have to take a few days off in a row. I've just now realized that except for getting some wood in for the winter and the usual mowing/clean up chores... there just isn't much that is truly important to get done. I'm using my "power of want" - wanting something done, so I can think about other things - to make it seem more important.

Since most of the tasks are indoors - it's not like there's a big rush. I can afford to take some down time.

Being so far away from the class, chances are there aren't any younger class members out my direction. But I don't know that for a fact yet.
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

lighter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5561
Re: Just the crap I've been up to - LOL
« Reply #11 on: October 01, 2017, 10:21:03 PM »
Amber:

I don't like the idea of driving over a mountain  at night, esp in the winter.  When I was renovating a condo on Beech Mountain, it was a very dark time for me.  SO much fog.  So much fear.  So many long drives to SLows, as the locals called it.

So much hoping I wouldn't drive off the mountain with little kids in the truck.  I just won't do it again.  I don't want to, and I don't have to.

Maybe you could find an online class, or a DVD or something else that works on your schedule?

Lighter


sKePTiKal

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3373
Re: Just the crap I've been up to - LOL
« Reply #12 on: October 09, 2017, 08:37:29 AM »
Back to the to-do list today.

I took some days off to just slug around and tackle watching the Ken Burns' Vietnam War series. Only up to episode 4. It's a mental exercise I'm putting myself through - to see if I can detect any patterns from then, that haven't changed yet, in how decisions are getting made. It's highly depressing and even tedious in places. A number of emotional hooks are used, that are unnecessary, IMO for normal people to understand the impact of events on the US, Vietnam, and geo-politics. It was also the continuous background to that traumatic time in my life, too. No nightmares, yet. Burns is doing a decent job of reframing things... but I'm hoping that the raw truth isn't getting filtered. My opinion is still changing as the episodes continue.

I'm at the point in the to-do's, where I'm finishing up the big house re-do. The outbuildings should get delivered and assembled next weekend. That will shift things to another phase of sorting & purging - a good winter project. I'm also starting another project - it was the first one on my list - the kitchen upgrade. Sink, counters and a new range. I've lost the igniter on one burner... and that kind of decided the issue if the project could wait or I just wanted to get all that stuff over with, since I'm kind of still in that mode anyway.

Lots of shifting gears around here and another level of settling in. Tai Chi's section 1 won't start till January. She's altered her schedule; used to be end of September. But it does make sense, especially for me, since the expected snow days won't fall during the more difficult complex sections. The days will start getting longer too - so not as much night driving. That sounds like agreement from the universe to head down that path to me.

There's a new level of grieving going on. Or maybe it's self-pity and acknowledgement of how much I depended on an intimate relationship. Acceptance of lonliness, which to be honest, is a feeling I never much had an opportunity to feel - except within one relationship. I worry a tad, about how all this solitude encourages me to revert to more feral ways of relating to other people - loss of the social graces, I guess you'd say. The contractors were a good diversion from noticing that and Allan was right - I do miss having them around. They'd help out with moving heavy things, if needed, and they were here.

There's still a lot of dust settling from the construction - and the annual invasion of stinkbugs, which was unavoidable while windows and doors were out of the walls. I'm sealing up all the holes, cracks and possible entry points as I find them but it's clear that replacing the windows and doors was a wise decision. No drafts in here; and it's QUIET - to the point that I no longer hear people on the driveway. I have a remedy for that to put up, as soon as it stops raining. I'm cleaning up the little piles of left-over wood, etc... as I go along and have a half-day's sort down stairs too. Until I get to the movies and music library. That's going to get pared down too.
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

Hopalong

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 10550
Re: Just the crap I've been up to - LOL
« Reply #13 on: October 09, 2017, 11:14:25 AM »
It sounds so very very satisfying to me, Amber...I vicariously enjoy so much hearing about your projects and house transformation.

I absolutely yearn to do that stuff. As of now, budget doesn't permit, but even on a micro scale. What I personally need to do is stop watching people do it to perfection on HGTV and simply take steps to beautify what I have.

I am frustrated that I DON'T accomplish, so it's good to read your accounts of how you DO. (And don't give me the caveats. You are incredibly productive and un-lazy.)

hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

sKePTiKal

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3373
Re: Just the crap I've been up to - LOL
« Reply #14 on: October 10, 2017, 08:13:08 AM »
I think it's my mind that's so busy Hops... the body often wants to tell it to STFU - it's TIRED! LOL.

Maybe just a couple pillows here, a plant there... rearrange these couple drawers... would be enough for ya Hops. Tablecloths... I have a solid wood table in the dining room. It has a pad to protect it, so a tablecloth is necessary. I switch those out on a regular basis to change the "temp" in here. And I'll be rehanging pictures in different locations too - I just used nails where they already were and it was OK for awhile.

Yesterday Murphy and his laws got in my way. I tried walking away for awhile and then trying again. Yesterday used up all my patience. And I just accepted that it was "one of those days" and gave up. I get to try again today.

These projects and the "list"... are interesting, because while it does serve as a distraction from wallowing in all my still-fresh emotions about Mike (and not kicking myself for it)... there is a real benefit as well. I'm doing stuff that's important to ME. Making what I can see in my mind "real". I'm re-learning the creative process and how I relate to it... because no two processes are alike. I'm relearning what it means to take care of myself, too. Feeding myself - mentally, emotionally, and in creating my own little "empire" on this mountain. In this case, being "empress" means I'm the sole caretaker, nurturer, landscaper, and human input into this one spot and it's energy. I'm the servant of what this place wants to be, in full bloom. The stewardess.

It certainly needed "the touch"... and this was just Phase 1. I picked out the most important items on the list of what people need to live - and fixed those first. Phase 2 is going to be more outdoors and the other buildings, no doubt. When the kitchen is complete... that just leaves a few places where some furniture needs be added for functionality and storage. And I'm still "seeing" too much clutter because I don't have things spread out enough yet. The longer I look, the more ideas I get about what really makes sense in the space... and no one makes those; I'm going to have to. Along with my "helpers".

I've neglected giving attention to the other places in the process and I feel badly about that. But I can't do much about the beach house - which is still for sale. The cabin I've mostly decided that I will clean out the personal stuff and tools... and probably sell that too. Proceeds might go to a family LLC. Still exploring that. A lot of stuff we've taken for granted all our lives, the institutions... seem to be so stressed they're in danger of coming apart at the seams. Maybe it's a kind of rebalancing.

But as I'm "looking"... I try to scan for big picture changes and realize that while they're going to be "different times" - it's just change. Some unpleasantness; some new joys... and I'm looking to be on the forward curve of that change. So lots of thinking, feeling what "works", is simple... and useful in the long run. That's a lot of deciding and choosing - LOL. Which is why brain occasionally needs it's cache cleared. Manual labor is one good way to do that.

PS: I've caught myself yet again doing something silly. I've created a bunch of silly "have tos", false urgency - even false anxiety - about certain things on the "list". It wasn't really necessary, to motivate myself. I just had to want things enough - for me - to "go do". I had to matter enough to ME.
« Last Edit: October 10, 2017, 08:22:53 AM by sKePTiKal »
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.