Author Topic: Being happy in the moment  (Read 677 times)

lighter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5561
Re: Being happy in the moment
« Reply #15 on: August 28, 2017, 01:06:00 PM »
Tupp:

Sometimes turning toward, and embracing conflict is almost impossible for me.  It's so so hard.  I can't imagine what it's like for you after being raised by your mother.

My mother was more indifferent, unable to hear me... probably my sibs also. It's maddening to watch myself struggle to HEAR my oldest dd... we're so different.  Sometimes her energy is physically painful.  Sometimes it's comforting and soft, which makes the cutting blunt aspects even more frustrating, IME. 
 
Catching up with the T the other day was really good for me. 

Chatting with tech support about deck and concrete sealants was helpful too.  I'm usually relieved once I reach out and ask for help when I need it.  It's just so darned difficult to do, IME.

I noticed that learning to identify, and access resources was a big part of my children's early education.  I never heard a whisper about that when I was in school. I had trouble figuring out how to use a dictionary, and no one helped me figure that out. 

(((Tupp))) How are things going for you today?

I just peeled a rug off dd's bathroom floor.  I'm wondering how much energy, and what chemicals I should involve to solve that problem.... rubber backing bonded with flooring. 

I cleaned out gutters and much moss from roof, then found the ends of buried drain pipes in the woods.  Pressure washed the drive, and will seal this week if possible.  Faucets are dripping, and in need of attention.  I can't get the darned thing apart, will have to do more research on YouTube.

I'm researching sealants for my projects, and my father's.  I really hate dealing with paperwork STILL, and there's always something to do.

That final thought sent a head to toe adrenaline rush through me.  I really hate paperwork.  THESE things are distractions I'm taming and dealing with better as I learn how.   Finding balance in all areas, all the time, is trickier.

Lighter


Hopalong

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 10553
Re: Being happy in the moment
« Reply #16 on: August 29, 2017, 08:45:35 AM »
Hey Lighter,
Gentle push here, and with apologies for taking so long to ask.

When I read the list of medical/quasi-medical/remedy/diagnostic treatments you mentioned about your DD, I felt a shock go through me. (I don't often feel that so thought I'd mention it).

Have you read up on Amen clinics? Here is one place to start. Links below the article lead further. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amen_Clinics

Forgive me if this is a big overreach (it might well be!), but when I was asking myself,  I wonder what all the non-mainstream medical focus is about, it occurred to me...I wonder if it's because Light felt out of mainstream as a child, and failed by mainstream culture and systems an adult? Mainstream medical culture is not just imperfect but can and has been damaging to individuals. But most of the time and at its best, medicine at respected centers (Mayo, Cleveland, university-affiliated teaching hospitals) is leading edge and life-saving.

Your attraction to anti-mainstream healing is so understandable. But sometimes worrisome to my ears because it seems unusually intense. Passing it on to the kids, etc. (I have a particular interest in how parents cope with the fire hose of medical info available, because of my career. Sorting positive from promotional is hard. Then again, "to my ears" really means...I have my own bias and this tripped it.)

I would just offer that if you find alarms about or serious criticisms of a methodology or practitioner in multiple places, consider that it is worth honoring not just the knowledge of a well-marketed "different" or "special" expert you're drawn to, but also (in the aggregate) the knowledge of those who've raised the alarm.

love
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Twoapenny

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2076
Re: Being happy in the moment
« Reply #17 on: August 30, 2017, 01:20:04 PM »
Tupp:

Sometimes turning toward, and embracing conflict is almost impossible for me.  It's so so hard.  I can't imagine what it's like for you after being raised by your mother.

My mother was more indifferent, unable to hear me... probably my sibs also. It's maddening to watch myself struggle to HEAR my oldest dd... we're so different.  Sometimes her energy is physically painful.  Sometimes it's comforting and soft, which makes the cutting blunt aspects even more frustrating, IME. 
 
Catching up with the T the other day was really good for me. 

Chatting with tech support about deck and concrete sealants was helpful too.  I'm usually relieved once I reach out and ask for help when I need it.  It's just so darned difficult to do, IME.

I noticed that learning to identify, and access resources was a big part of my children's early education.  I never heard a whisper about that when I was in school. I had trouble figuring out how to use a dictionary, and no one helped me figure that out. 

(((Tupp))) How are things going for you today?

I just peeled a rug off dd's bathroom floor.  I'm wondering how much energy, and what chemicals I should involve to solve that problem.... rubber backing bonded with flooring. 

I cleaned out gutters and much moss from roof, then found the ends of buried drain pipes in the woods.  Pressure washed the drive, and will seal this week if possible.  Faucets are dripping, and in need of attention.  I can't get the darned thing apart, will have to do more research on YouTube.

I'm researching sealants for my projects, and my father's.  I really hate dealing with paperwork STILL, and there's always something to do.

That final thought sent a head to toe adrenaline rush through me.  I really hate paperwork.  THESE things are distractions I'm taming and dealing with better as I learn how.   Finding balance in all areas, all the time, is trickier.

Lighter

I can identify so much with hating the paperwork, Lighter!  When I look at all the files on my shelves and the boxes of 'evidence' I have held onto, just in case, and the endless lists of documents on my computer, I am fully aware that it represents more work than I did for my degree and my teaching qualifications combined.  That was hard work and a lot of paperwork for something positive and constructive.  The stuff I have at home represents abuse, domination, inequality, thousands of hours of slogging away through to the early hours of the morning trying to prove I didn't do what she said, trying desperately to get someone to figure out why my son wasn't developing and alongside that trying to work out all the medical problems on my own and figure out the best way to educate him.  It represents so much negativity that even a small amount now drives me off a cliff and I'm sure it must be the same for you.  I get it.  And it makes sense now that avoiding conflict is important - look at how much conflict you were forced into and how long and drawn out that battle was.  No wonder we want a quiet life and lots of peace and harmony :)

Hopalong

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 10553
Re: Being happy in the moment
« Reply #18 on: August 30, 2017, 04:11:49 PM »
I hear you both.

What I went through with my brother was MINISCULE compared to what you each have been through. Yet I still avoid the room where the leftover papers from the court battle are stored in tidy boxes.

Boxes can't bite. But on some level, I'm not entirely convinced.

And Lighter, my apologies for hijacking a thread about Being Happy in the Moment with an opinion piece about medicine! (Should've popped that on your Resistance thread but didn't focus. Happy to move or remove it if you'd like, just say.)

love to you both,
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Twoapenny

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2076
Re: Being happy in the moment
« Reply #19 on: August 30, 2017, 04:41:50 PM »
I hear you both.

What I went through with my brother was MINISCULE compared to what you each have been through. Yet I still avoid the room where the leftover papers from the court battle are stored in tidy boxes.

Boxes can't bite. But on some level, I'm not entirely convinced.

And Lighter, my apologies for hijacking a thread about Being Happy in the Moment with an opinion piece about medicine! (Should've popped that on your Resistance thread but didn't focus. Happy to move or remove it if you'd like, just say.)

love to you both,
Hops

It's mad that paper can be so scary!  But battles seem to be fought on paper these days, instead of in arenas as they once were :) x

lighter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5561
Re: Being happy in the moment
« Reply #20 on: August 31, 2017, 06:25:20 AM »
Hops:

Every time I attempt to respond to your thoughtful post I do go on and on about the harm I've encountered through Western medicine, and the doctors who "practice" it.

I do go on to explain how Eastern and Energy based medicine has done us no harm, if they haven't helped, and they have helped in almost every case.  If they haven't helped improve our health, they've provided information that's helpful

I appreciate MDs who practice integrative medicine... they seem to focus on establishing health in their patients and sustaining it rather than treating symptoms without zero care for what caused the problem in the first place.  I don't appreciate that particular kind of medicine.... treating symptoms, that is. It makes zero sense to me.

Since my friend had titanium plates installed in his face last week, I'm reminded that Western medicine has it's place.  It might be the new kid on the block, but it's sparkly and gives us pain killers which are necessary when we go through surgery, like the two C sections I had.  I've never finished a painkiller prescription, btw.  I don't understand why I have to beg for them when I'm being scheduled for surgery and male addicts are given prescriptions, without asking.  Is it because I'm female, and know I'll need pain killers after surgery and ask for them proactively?  It's confusing, but that's been my experience since I was a teenager having my wisdom teeth out, which was a four "dry socket" nightmare.
 
I told myself I wouldn't start typing out examples, but apparently I can't help myself.  I'll stop there, and crack on without erasing. 

I tend to view Western docs as the mechanics who fix humans after they've been driven over their toxic load edge without any thought as to WHY they were heading toward the ledge in the first place.

Shouldn't that question be addressed?  And, if the answer is YES, shouldn't it be the priority in medicine, and considered BEFORE disease sets in?  I know there's not much money in prescribing kale to patients, but prescribing drugs that kill and break us down seems an unwise approach, IME.

Being proactive would begin with nutrition, and.....

::slapping forehead::.
::huge sigh::

Surely there's a balance to be struck?

Tupp and Hops, I will just say paperwork does suck, and I'm never happy about doing it. 

Removing the legals from our living space was a tremendous relief.  Having clean  desk, floor, and chair space in the office feels like a luxurious addition to the house. We seek it out, roll around in it, create, play and work in it.  I can honestly say.... it's better than Christmas. 
Lighter

Hopalong

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 10553
Re: Being happy in the moment
« Reply #21 on: August 31, 2017, 05:30:54 PM »
I hear that, Lighter...totally agree.
I worked for the publishers of Prevention for a few years and it really IS the point.

Big hugs and back to happy in the moment! Hope you are.
You're so good at working very hard at coming back into that present balance.

We roil, we work it through, we calm. Rinse and repeat....

hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

sunblue

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 334
Re: Being happy in the moment
« Reply #22 on: September 02, 2017, 02:57:20 PM »
Hi All:

Clicked through because I thought this was such a relevant topic.  The idea of "mindfulness", trying to make the most of the current moment rather than worrying about the past or the future is a much buzzed about concept these days.

About a week ago, my sister-in-law--who is a decent but a pit pollyannish person--texted me and was clearly excited about an Oprah program she was watching featuring two very well-know motivational speakers.  They were both touting the concept of "living in the moment".  The catch phrase, "Live in the moment" has long been my SIL's motto.  Her only child--my niece--who dutifully adopts everything my SIL and brother believe, even got a tattoo with the phrase "Live in the moment".  They kind of pat themselves on the back that this is their life motto.

However, I tried to point our to her in her excitement that it is easy to live in the moment when most of your moments are trauma- and pain-free as her life has been.  But when you deal with an illness or condition like depression or NPD...or chronic loneliness or betrayal and rejection....or abuse and disrespect in the workplace...or a combination of these things during your whole life..."living in the moment" is not a great place to visit.  It is hard to see the joy in the moment of simply living when your life...and the moment that is your life....is characterized by these negative situation.  If, however, you are like her, and have a life filled with joy and family and friendship and lack of life challenges to face...then it is much simpler to think you can just enjoy and appreciate every moment.  She refused to accept or get this....as do most people who tout mindfulness.  I am not at all rejecting the value of doing so...of trying to make every moment count in life, of trying to appreciate the moment you are in, rather than dwelling on the negative.  I'm just saying it is not realistic to say that individuals can do this equally when their "moments" are so very different.  Unfortunately, those whose moments in life are generally characterized by positive experiences tend to define those whose aren't as "negative", "pessimistic" or having a bad attitude. 

These motivational speakers never really seem to address the reality of their "mindfulness" approach to life.  By all means, everyone should spend time each day being grateful for what blessings they have.  But, failing to acknowledge that mindfulness is difficult for those whose lives are not fairytales, is unfair and unrealistic.  I think it is another example of the "haves" not willing to really see the pain and unfairness of others' lives and blaming them for it instead of acknowledging that had fate taken a different turn, they might have been us.

Sunblue