Author Topic: Relinquishing Control - Please will you help me? :)  (Read 17824 times)

sKePTiKal

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Re: Relinquishing Control - Please will you help me? :)
« Reply #795 on: June 30, 2018, 12:50:44 PM »
:D

This is so good to hear Tupps! The school sounds fabulous.
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

lighter

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Re: Relinquishing Control - Please will you help me? :)
« Reply #796 on: June 30, 2018, 11:27:00 PM »
How could this get any better, Tupp?!?

You're surfing real good; )

The icky carpet will be steamed clean soon....  paint will cover the nicotine smells, at least in part.  That's how it could get better. 

I'd be surprised if the property owner didn't make it easier for you to make improvements.... likely not many renters make the effort, sounds like.

Just a lovely post to read from you.  It looks like your son is blossoming... you're blossoming.  Both have new places to go, things to do, and programs to start.

Just amazing.

::nod::.

Lighter 


Twoapenny

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Re: Relinquishing Control - Please will you help me? :)
« Reply #797 on: July 01, 2018, 08:57:24 AM »
Thanks, Skep!  I do love it each time I visit.  I was talking to a friend about how it feels different to other places we've been to and she wondered if it's more focused on the students than paperwork and target setting.  She might be on to something there, it could be why it feels different.  I was telling her how nice everyone is each time we go as well and she pointed out that they've been consistent with that (which suggests it's generally a nice place and they don't just put on a show for visitors).  I think it's all going to work out okay :)

Thank you, Lighter :)  I think it's going to be great.  At the minute I feel tired and my head is full of things we need to do.  I'm conscious that I'm working constantly and not really taking much time out - there just isn't time at the minute.  But then I think, three weeks from now, we'll be there, unpacked, and we'll have six weeks to relax, explore and recuperate.  Then son (hopefully!) will be in college and oh my days, I think I will just skip around the town completely unencumbered :)  I am looking forward to that.

lighter

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Re: Relinquishing Control - Please will you help me? :)
« Reply #798 on: July 01, 2018, 11:54:04 AM »
::sending prayers for continued strength, and safe transitions for Tupp and son::

Light

Hopalong

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Re: Relinquishing Control - Please will you help me? :)
« Reply #799 on: July 01, 2018, 02:48:47 PM »
I'm really glad for you, Tupp.

I know on some future cold damp day the little temporary apt. may feel uncozy but prepare yourself for that occasional feeling ahead of time. Anticipate it and the mindset will be more like you and Son are camping. It's not always convenient but it's an adventure, and when you find your more permanent rental there, you'll be able to stretch your wings. I'm glad you'll have six months to focus on looking for and securing the true-homey place.

His college sounds AMAZING. When does he start spending his days there?

So happy for you. Soak up all the seaside bliss you can!

love
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Twoapenny

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Re: Relinquishing Control - Please will you help me? :)
« Reply #800 on: July 01, 2018, 03:34:29 PM »
Thank you both :)  Hops, I'm going to focus on making it cosy.  What's good is we're so close to town and there's so much to do there, plus the beaches and country walks (which we'll do winter as well as summer) that I don't think we'll be trapped at home in the same way that we are here a lot of the time.  It's all so much closer and so much easier.  So I don't think we'll have to many grotty days, but like you say, it's temporary and all will be well.

Son should officially start college early September - about eight weeks' time.  I'm not letting myself think about 'what if they don't agree the funding'.  It's highly unlikely they'll refuse (as there's nowhere else for him to go and legally they have to make provision).  If they do refuse I can take them to court over it and I would win so I don't think it will be a problem and I'm not allowing myself to think about 'what if'.  They are doing three transition days over the last three weeks of August and they run activity sessions three days a week through the holiday.  I'm going to wait until we've moved and see how he settles and then see if a couple of the activity sessions might suit him as well as the transition days.  So he starts soon :)  And yes, it does seem amazing, I love it more each time we go.  Just feels right.

I'm packing at the moment.  It's actually proving quite difficult to pack because I did such a thorough job of decluttering that most of what we have is stuff we use regularly so I can't pack too much too far in advance.  I'm just going to keep cleaning and packing as I go.  I've a few admin type jobs to do tomorrow and I think we should get pretty much everything done next week.  I'm going to say goodbye to a few people the following week (not many!) and then we'll be off :)  I am starting to get a bit excited :) xx

lighter

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Re: Relinquishing Control - Please will you help me? :)
« Reply #801 on: July 01, 2018, 04:12:17 PM »
I'm excited for you, Tupp :D

So close now!

Twoapenny

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Re: Relinquishing Control - Please will you help me? :)
« Reply #802 on: July 02, 2018, 11:50:01 PM »
Thanks, Lighter.

Well, I have messed up.  The court case, it seems, cannot be transferred to the new area until we physically move - I thought it was the tenancy start date they went with.  Apparently, because the hearing is booked for this Friday and we will still be living here this Friday, we still go to court.  I am completely unprepared because I wasn't expecting to have to do it.

I haven't slept much but did wake up this morning aware that I know my son inside out and I have put a lot of work in already so we should be okay.  Although could do without it in the middle of a house move.  Zoiks.

sKePTiKal

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Re: Relinquishing Control - Please will you help me? :)
« Reply #803 on: July 03, 2018, 06:33:55 AM »
Well, just roll with it Tupps.

Because you do use so many things - I'm going to recommend you pick one coffee/tea cup, buy paper plates and plastic utensils for that last week. Stock the fridge with enough cold stuff you don't have to cook - and that will fit in a cooler for the drive down to the new place. Bedding can be bagged up AS IS... and then immediately put the beds together and make them. (After unloading everything.)

Basic kitchen/household supplies in ONE/TWO clearly marked boxes/totes - the dishsoap, hand soap, shampoo, paper towels, toilet paper, etc. (Load those last with the beds/bedding and TOWELS - almost forgot.)

Don't forget to get the power, etc turned over into your name - unless it's included in the rent.

And HAVE FUN.
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

Twoapenny

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Re: Relinquishing Control - Please will you help me? :)
« Reply #804 on: July 03, 2018, 06:49:08 AM »
Well, just roll with it Tupps.

Because you do use so many things - I'm going to recommend you pick one coffee/tea cup, buy paper plates and plastic utensils for that last week. Stock the fridge with enough cold stuff you don't have to cook - and that will fit in a cooler for the drive down to the new place. Bedding can be bagged up AS IS... and then immediately put the beds together and make them. (After unloading everything.)

Basic kitchen/household supplies in ONE/TWO clearly marked boxes/totes - the dishsoap, hand soap, shampoo, paper towels, toilet paper, etc. (Load those last with the beds/bedding and TOWELS - almost forgot.)

Don't forget to get the power, etc turned over into your name - unless it's included in the rent.

And HAVE FUN.

Ah, Skep, you're psychic, I was just thinking I need to streamline and simplify and then you pop up with that post!

I've received several confusing emails regarding the court case; different people are telling me different things.  I can't find a clear answer online and I've requested information about correct procedures from three different sources and no-one has got back to me.  So I have just emailed all involved and told them that I will be at the court at 10am on Friday.  It looks like I might be the only person that turns up but if that's the case so be it - at least I will be there and I can show (via all the emails) that I have done my best to resolve the situation and deal with it.  We shall see what happens. 

I have sorted out power/phone/admin and organising type moving stuff, bar a couple of things I just need to chase up by phone.  Your advice about disposable stuff is excellent - in fact I think I have some left over party plates in the cupboard.  We can use those up so it's less to take with us as well :)  And then yes, every day essentials into two boxes and load them last.  I have booked us in to a B&B the night of the move; there's no way of predicting traffic so we might not get there until some silly time at night so I've booked us into a little place that does a nice cooked breakfast.  The host is very sweet; I emailed ahead to explain my son has some difficulties (I just find it breaks the ice as some people aren't too sure how to be around him so if I explain in advance it seems to help).  She's been very accommodating and has a cat that likes snuggling the guests so son and I will both be happy with that.

Thank you for all the advice and support, it really does mean a lot :) xx

Twoapenny

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Re: Relinquishing Control - Please will you help me? :)
« Reply #805 on: July 03, 2018, 08:44:55 AM »
Okay, slightly calmer update.   I've heard back from the court and they're going to do a case management meeting by phone, with a view to transferring everything to the new area.  Has been a bloody nightmare to sort out and made me very aware how many 'advice' agencies there are in the UK who can't really advise on complex issues.  I probably should have tried to get a solicitor but I thought it was relatively straightforward and wouldn't be needed - lesson learned for next time.

I'm looking at my to do list and it's not too bad.  I might even get some relaxation time in before the big day!  Lol xx

lighter

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Re: Relinquishing Control - Please will you help me? :)
« Reply #806 on: July 03, 2018, 04:23:29 PM »
Whoo hoo, Tupp.  You didn't freak out over the court thing.  You knew you'd be OK, did what you could, and kept moving..... stellar job! 

The B&B... what a great job you did.   Kitty snuggles, and mommy food. 

::nodding::
Sounds like self care to me.
 
Good advice on packing, Amber.  I get bogged down in the details of these things.  Always think I need more than I need, then can't find any darned thing. 

Lighter






Twoapenny

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Re: Relinquishing Control - Please will you help me? :)
« Reply #807 on: July 06, 2018, 04:41:36 AM »
Whoo hoo, Tupp.  You didn't freak out over the court thing.  You knew you'd be OK, did what you could, and kept moving..... stellar job! 

The B&B... what a great job you did.   Kitty snuggles, and mommy food. 

::nodding::
Sounds like self care to me.
 
Good advice on packing, Amber.  I get bogged down in the details of these things.  Always think I need more than I need, then can't find any darned thing. 

Lighter

It is easy to get bogged down in details, Lighter.  I am finding as I work through my to do lists that I'm reading things and thinking, "actually, it won't matter if that doesn't get done - it can go to the bottom of the list for now".  I'm more concerned about things like my son's meds; I will get to a point where I know I've dealt with it but will keep rechecking it just in case.  But we are getting there.  I bought son's second hand computer console thingy and it doesn't work!  Not sure whether it's the machine or the game that's the problem; I've ordered a new game in the hope it's the disk and not the machine itself - it's under warranty but it's a bit of a slog to take it back to the shop.  I'm so clueless about these things as well that dealing with cables and memory cards and which bit goes where does my head but he has handled it very well.  Very different from even a couple of years ago when he'd have had a complete meltdown over this.  He's really maturing; yesterday he was talking about more positive things (he's got a real thing about positive thinking now; anything good that happens he says is all about positive thinking :) ).  I bought him a hot chocolate and a muffin while we were out shopping and his face is just heavenly while he eats it.  It make me realise that I tend to go for treats and caffeine or sugary stuff to comfort myself or give myself artificial energy.  He just loves the taste; it's pure pleasure and nothing else.  He doesn't have a lot of sugary stuff and it was just nice to watch him really enjoying what he was eating.

Anyway, we've had our telephone conference call this morning.  My anxiety at dealing with public sector workers is bad now; I've been awake since 4am, have found it very difficult to concentrate on anything, have been to the toilet about fifty times and thought I was going to be sick twice.  It does feel like a sort of hair trigger reaction now.  The judge was nice; calm and professional, the local authority worker was telling her dog to sit down and behave during the call and again I'm staggered at the lack of professionalism - I get that people work from home these days but surely you'd shut the dog in a room for ten minutes while you talk to a judge?  Anyway, it's done, I can feel the nerves abating, the appeal has been put on hold until we move and then if we need it I can put it back into play, if not they can cancel it.  It does mean (hopefully) that the new authority will have to get their bums into gear so hopefully it won't drag on for a year like this one has.

Phew.  After our move I really want to focus on my health; it really is worrying me now that so many things make me feel so ill and I do need to tackle it.  Move wise things are going well; packing is proving a relatively easy job, most of the admin/organising type stuff is done, just odd bits to double check and chase up.  I've got two relatively clear days now to get on with things and friends coming for lunch on Sunday.  They offered to bring food but I have things in the freezer that need using up so I'm doing marinated chicken (marinate overnight, chuck in oven when they arrive), green salad, potato salad, french bread and cheese.  Treats from the freezer for pudding.  Easy to do and probably enough left overs for me not to worry about food for a day afterwards either.  Slowly getting there.

Thank you, you lot!  For being there.  Sometimes I wonder what I would do if I didn't have you guys to write to and I really don't know?  I think I would have to have imaginary keyboard friends instead :) xx

sKePTiKal

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Re: Relinquishing Control - Please will you help me? :)
« Reply #808 on: July 06, 2018, 08:48:34 AM »
Oh kiddo. I know JUST what you mean about getting yourself so too tightly wrapped over dealing with a situation where you've had horrifying experiences before. Even if you're consciously policing your thoughts to NOT let the negative chatter get out of control... it's just still there and before you know it you're having an anxiety attack over something that should be run of the mill - and is for most people.

Because I deal monthly with large sums of money at my bank - and because banks are basically giving everyone the third degree, when even smaller sums are involved - this is a regular avoidance problem for me... and I go through the same kind of anxiety you do. It's not always extreme, but then I'm worrying about a problem that I've only read others having; it hasn't actually happened to me yet. Doesn't seem to matter to the anxiety - one bit - to remind myself that I can pick up the phone and call someone who KNOWS my situation and relationship to the bank and straighten things out for me. It's not the teller's fault either -- the gov't. is forcing banks into all these compliance regulations, essentially resulting in delays/complications managing YOUR OWN MONEY. I understand the situation and still get anxious anyway.  SMH. In the eyes of the innocent tellers - you COULD BE and ARE suspected of money laundering, or sending money to terrorists if you're managing large sums. It's one reason I always go into the lobby, in person, so they get used to seeing my face... and have me on their cameras, too. Sad that something we all need, has come to this kind of business relationship. We can take our business elsewhere - but the regulations are across the board - and we end up feeling like a criminal, no matter how innocent we are.

But I digress -- you can check the court meeting off the list now. All should be well and smooth (enough) sailing from here on out. Just the usual moving snafus... but this one is a lot easier to shift your worries/anxiety over to more confident expectation of adventure than a dentist appt or court date. Just keep "herding" yourself that direction!  ;)
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

Hopalong

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Re: Relinquishing Control - Please will you help me? :)
« Reply #809 on: July 06, 2018, 01:41:02 PM »
((((((((((Tupp)))))))))))

You are NOT doing this perfectly. Thank god.
You cannot, will not, should never expect to be perfect.

You are doing an amazingly competent job at this life transition. You are organized, committed and mature in the face of a task that is very challenging.

You are good and you are competent and despite flares of anxiety, you are strong. NOT strong because hordes of enemies are eager to bring you down. Nope. That is not the present reality. It's just a leak from old things, as you know.

Trust yourself and trust that there is "flow" going on, even though you feel like you're alone on a raft with your son and going through rapids.

You're really NOT alone because both the universe and the life force and your inerrant drive for peace and a hopeful future are in that raft too. Not just scared Tupp or little Tupp or PTSD Tupp. When those three start bouncing around in the raft YOU can bark with confidence at them: Siddown and shaddup while I'm steering, you can talk to me later!

Don't be a perfect performer as a dinner hostess, a moving conductor, or anything else. Just be perfectly Tupp.

You are not only good enough, you're great.

Love, courage, and calm -- you have all of these available. Here's some more.

xxxooo
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."