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91
Hi Lupita.

You can enjoy your Grandson, and that will have to be enough.  The DIL is what she is.  You can't control her.  You can only model what you'd like the relationship to be.  My MIL was pretty terrible for a while.  Eventually my ignoring her when she was terrible, while attending to the positive interactions, helped bring us closer, though things were never " normal".  At least I could limit how much her actions bothered me. 

I'm sorry you're struggling, but glad you see your Grandchild.
Lighter
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: This and That
« Last post by lighter on November 02, 2017, 11:27:47 AM »
Eh,. Tupp.  I think the neighbor was sort of on patrol, frankly.  We're supposed to wear our little ID badges in the forest, and play warden sort of officially.  Some people ask to see badges, or so I've heard.  I think this woman covered the glorious stump a bit AND was feeling official.  Matters not.  My property borders the forest, same as hers.  We all belong.

About art stuff, Tupp..... I still have tons of it.  I use it.  The girls use it.  I'd be lost without it, and I noticed a chalk paint store, with work table centered in one half of the building, had jars and baskets of the same things I keep in jars and baskets.....within reach.... appreciated and lovely.  Create Tupp.  It's good for the soul, and we might find a good deal of relief if we create around some of our demons.  Maybe think of it as expelling them and caging them in the pieces.  I LL plan to burn them in my spiffy new burn barrel that burns very hot....very efficient. 

I'm channeling Buddha energy without thinking about it.  I seem to want to do what needs doing lately.  I'm enjoying doing things very much.  Even the small trivial things are enjoyable.
Light

93
Thanks. I am so disappointed. There is nothing I can do.
94
I don't want to jinx anything, but it sure sounds like you've had a major turning point, Tupp. I really like your comparison of the bookshop, to an approach to life. It's one I think I'm invested in - despite the penchant for lists and planning.

My lists are all about not trusting myself to remember the "important" things; getting distracted by something else that seems a lot more fun or interesting in the moment.

Thank you, Skep, I think so/hope so, too!  I did wobble a bit over the last couple of days, I'm realising more and more it's harder to stick with my new habits when there's a lot to do so I'm continuing with my streamlining/cutting back approach to day to day life and trying to make myself take breaks and sit outside with my coffee instead of hunched over the kitchen table.

Yes, the lists, I do forget things if I don't write them down but I still need to focus on writing down what I need to do rather than what I think I ought to be doing.  I do put more pressure on myself which is silly.  I have written myself one long list of things that need to be done between now and Christmas - mostly paperwork deadlines and birthdays to remember.  But I do need to remind myself that I don't have to plough through the list, I can do it a little bit at a time.

In other news - I have decided to be a bit more proactive with men.  There are two or three potentially eligible bachelors I know and one of them got in touch a few days ago.  All my old 'I'm not good enough' stuff started racing through my head and really knocked me off my stride for a few days but this morning I thought just suggest coffee and use it as an opportunity to get to know more about him and decide WHETHER I LIKE HIM ENOUGH TO SEE HIM AGAIN rather than worrying about whether he wants to see me.  I am trying to focus more on the other person rather than myself.

And finally - my mum.  My sister sent her an email telling her how disappointed she's been with her behaviour recently and that she's not willing to let her carry on treating her kids differently, etc etc.  She received no reply for a few days, and today received a text saying that she (mum) has had a fall and has to rest - same pattern, every time.  I do think my sister is starting to stand up for herself more which is good :) xx
95
Hi Lupita,
Reading Carolyn Hax regularly is the reason I offered you that advice about your daughter in law.

Ironically, this morning here is another Hax column that's about exactly that. I hope it's helpful.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/carolyn-hax-daughter-in-law-is-standoffish-dont-make-things-standoff-ish/2017/10/30/95c487c8-bb5b-11e7-a908-a3470754bbb9_story.html?utm_term=.f1e27276c5cc

Hax is wise, compassionate and utterly realistic about boundaries and relationship dynamics.

Hops
96
I'm sorry to hear the competition continues, Lupita. It sounds miserable.
I am happy to hear that you are involved in your grandbaby's life, though,
since some time ago you were very afraid you wouldn't be allowed to be.

All I know is that all the advice for grandmothers I've ever read indicates
that confronting or competing with the child's mother in any way is always
a losing game. That it doesn't matter who gets to be right, if the goal is
to maintain that channel to the grandchild.

Hope things settle down soon.

Hops
97
It has been a struggle. Only god knows what I have to put up with this woman, her mother and her grand mother. I am sorry for my self.
98
I'm sorry to read of your problems, Lupita.  It doesn't seem to me that you did anything wrong as you were invited over by your son.  I seem to remember there have been problems before although I can't remember specifically what they were now, but I think it was to do with your daughter in law?  She might have been cross with your son for changing the little one's routine and took it out on you but it's hard to say.  It doesn't read that you did anything you shouldn't as your son said it was okay.  I don't know what to suggest as it sounds like a very difficult situation to manage xx
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I have a very difficult possessive daughter in law.

I donated candy to my grand baby school for Halloween. So, I was there turning in the candy and called my son and asked him if he wanted for me to leave the baby at the day care or bring him to the house since he was the one that was going to pick him up. He said, bring him to the house and I will give you a hug. So I did and his wife got mad, she left and when she came back I was still there and she said she did not expect me to still be there. Her mother and her grand mother live with them. I am the only outsider who pays my own mortgage and my own house and has dinner by my self all the time while they dinner together everyday and watch movies. Why si she mad that I come for a change instead of being home alone?

Did I do something wrong.

Please help.
100
Oh, I hear you.
I especially love the selfies some of these good gents take in their bathrooms.
It's mighty brave!

I mean...some are willing to share not just their chests, but their medicine chests!

I am not a bathroom snob.
Nor a naked chest snob.

But on websites, in combination...my stars and garters.

 :lol:

Hops
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