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With over 100,000 posts and 2 million pageviews, the Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board has become a valuable resource for people learning about and dealing with narcissistic spouses/partners, boyfriends/girlfriends, parents, siblings, adult children, bosses, and co-workers--as well as other sources of "voicelessness."
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 41 
 on: October 21, 2014, 03:03:48 PM 
Started by Gaining Strength - Last post by Gaining Strength
I'm dealing with a big one and I am going to win.  Facing the demons now. I know they are not me. They did not come from me and must leave. I am not only going to survive, I am going to flourish.

 42 
 on: October 21, 2014, 01:30:40 PM 
Started by Gaining Strength - Last post by Gaining Strength
Today I am getting some relief from the omnipresent sense of shame and foreboding.  It comes when I am most present to the physical sensations and name them and acknowledge their source.  This is welcomed.  The first two weeks of tuning in exacerbated the physical and psychic pain. 

Now, I can se great progress will be made when I shift from the fear and/or expectation of that wretched feeling coming on.  That may take days or weeks or longer but I think it will come sooner rather than later.

When this stage of healing started this summer I was wracked with memories of my childhood, college and early adult friends, people in my wedding etc who are now lost to me.  The deluge of memories invaded my dreams every night for weeks.  It was a lengthy period of grieving and opening. 

But it did not destroy me.  I am expecting something similar through this process.  The pain is there and it is great but it is more tolerable than previously.

 43 
 on: October 21, 2014, 12:48:43 PM 
Started by BonesMS - Last post by BonesMS
http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2014/10/dear_prudence_my_sister_dresses_her_son_in_feminine_clothing_like_pink_tutus.html

Sounds like this mother is seeing her son only as an extension of herself instead of seeing him as the person he IS!

 44 
 on: October 21, 2014, 10:52:46 AM 
Started by Gaining Strength - Last post by Gaining Strength
I love this conversation.

I'm with you two - emotional override is THE KEY!!!

 45 
 on: October 21, 2014, 10:49:39 AM 
Started by Gaining Strength - Last post by Ales2
I very much liked what your T said about the emotional override very true and very helpful. Its all about the override to stay consistent.

 46 
 on: October 21, 2014, 10:22:19 AM 
Started by Gaining Strength - Last post by Hopalong
GS, thought I'd share this followup because I imagine you may relate.

I emailed my T to thank him for his solid epiphany yesterday--because I
stayed focused on it. Result was (will sound totally minor to those who don't
struggle with the take-care-of-your-life-like-regular-people-do issue):

When I went home I override my immediate-escape valve and:
--walked the dog (ran into friendly people, too)
--made healthy soup

NBD? It did feel like a big deal. Anyway, he wrote back "You're welcome"
and added this advice, which I liked a lot. Concise and solid, just like the insight was:

"Keep in mind its not about the soup or the dog but going against your grain, overriding
the emotional brain. One or two overrides / challenges a day is a good starting point.
You can increase the size of the challenge as you gain confidence. Choose consistency over size."

FWIW, hugs--
Hops

 47 
 on: October 21, 2014, 05:33:49 AM 
Started by BonesMS - Last post by BonesMS
http://www.creators.com/advice/annies-mailbox/put-it-in-writing.html

 48 
 on: October 21, 2014, 05:22:09 AM 
Started by BonesMS - Last post by BonesMS
http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby

 49 
 on: October 20, 2014, 10:41:59 PM 
Started by teartracks - Last post by Hopalong
(((((Izzy)))))

I love that sound of peace. I am awed.
Thank you for modeling this for me, my friend.

And ((((TT)))))
Welcome back! (Nice joke, btw...)
Thank heaven I'm agnostic (pun intended).

love
Hops

 50 
 on: October 20, 2014, 10:34:07 PM 
Started by Gaining Strength - Last post by Hopalong
Wow, Ales.
That is a REALLY powerful and for me so so helpful, post.

Thank you for sharing all that.
It's extremely heartening. And gives me some new resources.

But...5am? For real?

Oy. I have a loooong way to go.

hugs
Hops

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