I hate to say this, but when my NM died I felt a HUGE sense of relief. A lot of that was the result of her creating so much drama over her cancer (if thatís even what she had). I had guilt laid on me for five years, making me believe that she had only ďweeks to live.Ē When it finally ended, my only reaction was, thank goodness, itís over.
I never felt sadness for her not sorting out her life because she didnít want to sort things out. In her mind, she was perfect, and everyone around her was flawed. She was expecting everyone else to sort out their lives to accommodate HER. I totally agree that she ruined her chance of a nice life, though in my mumís case, her definition of a nice life was a far cry from what mine was. For me, a nice life is good friends, good job, children, pets, and the simple joys that bring happiness. To my N-Mother, a nice life was being the queen bee, controlling everyone around her, and having material goods to boast about. Iím sure my mum died believing that she had been cheated out of a nice life because she was unable to control one of her children. I guess maybe I feel sad ABOUT her, but not sad FOR her, if that made sense.