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With over 100,000 posts and 2 million pageviews, the Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board has become a valuable resource for people learning about and dealing with narcissistic spouses/partners, boyfriends/girlfriends, parents, siblings, adult children, bosses, and co-workers--as well as other sources of "voicelessness."
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 41 
 on: October 23, 2014, 01:01:44 PM 
Started by Gaining Strength - Last post by Hopalong
Quote
I am starting to associate this blah, yuck with intentional healing.  That really transforms it.  It helps me apply The Tools tool of feeling bad and doing it anyway. This yuck is going to be part of getting better, getting stronger, like muscle pain when working out.  I can handle it.

YOWSERS!

WOWEE!

GOOD GOLLY MISS MOLLY!


KUDOS!!

Damn, you are inspirational.

Thank you, GS.

love
Hops

 42 
 on: October 23, 2014, 12:44:14 PM 
Started by lighter - Last post by Twoapenny
Lighter I'm so glad you've won (again) but so frustrated on your behalf as well, to have all of this hanging over you for no reason other than other people's belligerence is crazy making.  You are dealing with it all with such good grace and humility.  A true testament to your character and an amazing example to your kids.

I hope that the next step(s) pass quickly and with as little fuss as possible.  Thinking of you and your kids xx

 43 
 on: October 23, 2014, 12:09:06 PM 
Started by BonesMS - Last post by BonesMS
http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2014/10/dear_prudence_on_halloween_poor_kids_come_to_trick_or_treat_in_my_neighborhood.html

 44 
 on: October 23, 2014, 11:58:15 AM 
Started by Gaining Strength - Last post by Gaining Strength
Trying to separate things out - the is a layer of sorts that is becoming clear.  It is like a thin atmospheric layer encircling the earth, my earth. It pervades and it must be released.

I had a glimmer this morning of my child being sacrificing my welfare and my longings to conform with my parents unspoken, implicit, perhaps unconscious demands which were utterly self-destructive.  This is where the stuff of rational knowledge gives life to the illumination of psychic threads interwoven, enmesh net.  As this image becomes clearer it will become my choice to let it go and free myself.

Yesterday I took my child to watch Tibetan monks begin work on a sand Mandela. I am reminded of the impermanence and the danger of attachment.  My child being living through me is attached to what could have been, all that could have been achieved had my family functioned. Time to let it go and be free to receive what is available.

That is the conundrum - holding on keeps me from receiving.  And though I do not want what I have I have not let go.

 45 
 on: October 23, 2014, 06:40:41 AM 
Started by BonesMS - Last post by BonesMS
http://www.creators.com/advice/at-work-lindsey-novak/employees-hearing-or-listening-problem-must-be-resolved.html

 46 
 on: October 22, 2014, 07:53:43 PM 
Started by Lupita - Last post by lighter
update for us lupita?

just remember dil might be able to hear what your needs are if she first feels heard and that her needs are important.

I would be very focused on getting everyone's needs met and have that remain my focus.  You might have to endure endless blame and scathing accusation that are actually about dil's behaviors and not yours.  you cant calm things down if you defend or point out the truth.  all you can do is endure....bite your tongue till it bleeds and steer things back to....

this is what I need.....what do you need or ask what son and dil need then tailor your answer regarding your needs accordingly.

The goal is to calm the dil and see more of your gs.  what will dil say she needs from you?  how can you compssionately state your needs and not jack up your dil and the chaos?

you can say....
I need my dil to feel safe and comfortable with all gs' grandparents...including me.  How can I work to bring that about?

saying you need your dil to stop acting like a maniacal b@itch prolly wont solve anything so check your emotions at the door and be ready r
to help put concrete actions in place that help dil feel less threatened and negative about you.

God help you Lupe.....Dil might be counting on you getting upset and blowing it.  Rise above with some mindful emotional distance and keep your eye on your grandson (((lupe)))

lighter


 47 
 on: October 22, 2014, 07:34:47 PM 
Started by lighter - Last post by lighter
thanks everybody.

I do feel some relief, but now we wait for the next sneaky underhanded documents to be filed by opposing counsel, when asking for reconsideration.  maybe he bought off a judge....maybe not.  at this point I document it all with an eye to the suits and complaints I might file.....somehow it makes it easier to wait and see.

This is another step towards the exit door. 

Lighter; )

 48 
 on: October 22, 2014, 06:37:55 PM 
Started by Gaining Strength - Last post by Gaining Strength
So today is what I have thought of an an off day, a bad day, a day of warding off depression.  And then as I was busy this afternoon it struck me that this is actually what the healing feels like. So now I am staring to associate this blah, yuck with intentional healing.  That really transforms it.  It helps me apply The Tools tool of feeling bad and doing it anyway. This yuck is going to be part of getting better, getting stronger, like muscle pain when working out.  I can handle it.

Now I know why I find such resistance when it is time to go to an event or someone's home or a meeting.  It flares the REJECTION, INADEQUATE warnings.  Now I know. Now it is conscious.  Now I can heal it.

 49 
 on: October 22, 2014, 03:10:32 PM 
Started by Gaining Strength - Last post by Gaining Strength
This is a painful process, allowing the stuff that I have so long repressed to rise, to feel it all again and to process it all these decades later.

I have an image of being asked to stand in a classroom, be called put, humiliated and forced to remain in class while laughed at. On returning home the torment is repeated and then a lovely mother enters. She gives me solace and when my father rises in anger to eject her, she stands her ground, telling him his behavior is wrong and damaging. He argues and she says that it is damaging not only to me but to him, the perpetrator, as well.

I feel myself sink into the comfort she offers. I know I am safe in her embrace but cannot find the courage to be released. Like a baby who is longing for connection I am not able to let go yet, needing to be safe, sevure& loved. 

This image takes the edge off of the searing pain.

 50 
 on: October 22, 2014, 01:42:55 PM 
Started by Gaining Strength - Last post by Gaining Strength
More information: I feel inadequate about all tasks.  So it is hard to do them.  They feel like a set up for shame.

The information and understanding are streaming in now.  First step before the healing.

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