« Last post by lighter on January 06, 2017, 12:36:31 PM »
All this hooks into years of being strong armed in the civil legal system, against my will, and consequences of same.
All that hooks into my aversion to conflict/people pleasing traits/failure to honor my instincts going way back.
I SEE the lesson. I understand how to honor myself, but have yet to learn how to SEE clearly that my right to honor myself isn't negotiable. I've been listening to people, who split the baby as a matter of course in the cicil legal arena, (Insane IMO) and the only time I've ever really stood my ground was when I had zero choice in the matter..... the custody case with my children's emotional and physical well-being squarely on the line.
Why does splitting a baby SEEM like a good idea to ANYONE in a position of responsibility to the baby? Honestly, it doesn't. They're not kidding anyone, including themselves, IME.
I've noticed that I can fight for others, but find it difficult to fight for myself.
I've also noticed that fighting for myself has always required that my nose be bloodied (fig. and lit.) before I consider striking a defensive posture and striking on my behalf. That's a very weak position to live from, IME. It's something I'd like to change, meaning.....
being more proactive in AVOIDING situations and people that require I fight at all, KWIM?
I think "normal" people don't have the blind spots where toxic people doing toxic things are concerned, IMO.
They SEE aberrant behavior, toxic actions, words that don't square up and they feel entitled to turn away from it without angst, preamble or justification..... they also don't require anyone, but themselves, understand why they're doing what they're doing.
Making decisions based on short term relief from discomfort has always been a bad idea, IME. We HOPE for an outcome that will bring peace and closure but a part of us KNOWS it's going to lead to more trouble than we were dealing with in the first place, IME
It's hope that kills us. Who said that? They're absolutely right, IME.
I'm going to go to the Asian market now and buy ingredients for Korean Spicy Rice Cakes.... planning on being snowed in with dd14 who enjoys watching Buzzfeed's The Try Guys, who made this on one of their shows. Very funny stuff.
We also have lettuce wraps planned so will pick up fresh Thai basil and water chestnuts. I love mushrooms in this dish, but it makes it too rich maybe? Maybe mushrooms every other time.
The Pug had me up at 2:30 am for a potty run, and I'm struggling with a 10 day cold.... disgusting...... feel like my head's packed in cotton, bleck, but hey..... it's sunny.
I count my blessings.
I embrace my lovely moments (two great cups of coffee, an hour chat with dd15, and very productive chat with MF so far) and go on with my day.
I recognize I need to do work on distinguishing the difference between positive compromises and what is giving in for short term comfort that sacrifices long term peace. Typically there's one path to long term peace, even if it requires a loathed battle, IME.
I hope I find it in myself to make the right decisions, long term, from here on out....... and with less angst.
Having this chat with myself brings much comfort. I don't need anyone's permission or understanding to do what's right for me and my family.
I don't require anyone's permission but my own.