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With over 100,000 posts and 2 million pageviews, the Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board has become a valuable resource for people learning about and dealing with narcissistic spouses/partners, boyfriends/girlfriends, parents, siblings, adult children, bosses, and co-workers--as well as other sources of "voicelessness."
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 41 
 on: July 20, 2014, 04:05:08 PM 
Started by Twoapenny - Last post by Twoapenny
My thoughts are with you. I so know the feeling of looking and hoping for help to come. I hope you find the strength and courage to carry forward but I am also glad that you will rest as well. I think I'll share so more thoughts a bit later on.

Thanks, GS.  Just realised a typo in my post, the bit about my dad should have read that I was about 8, not sure how I managed to get a smiley face in there instead!

Nearly time for bed, and I've got through my first weekend of trying to focus on me and not fret about everyone else.  I haven't called anyone or been out anywhere, we've stayed home and I've been cleaning out cupboards and getting organised for next week.  Have rejigged my money a bit and freed up enough to get a gardener in to sort my overgrown jungle out and to pay a babysitter so I can go to a meditation class next week.  A couple of people texted wanting to come round but they fall into the 'don't do anything to help and only call when they want something' camp that I am trying to break away from now so I told them both we were busy.  Odd how it feels wrong of me not to be available but I want to stick to this and make some changes now.

 42 
 on: July 20, 2014, 02:09:17 PM 
Started by Hopalong - Last post by Hopalong
At home I have perfect freedom and imperfect discipline.
At work I have no choice (though I still have times daily when I just surf and read...)

At home there's nobody to motivate me, stop me, or encourage me, so I tend to get less done.
I have to own doing all those things myself.

I have started a self-hypnosis tape about procrastination.
Listened to it as I was falling asleep last night and today I was NOT late for church for the first time in many months.

Smile
Hops

 43 
 on: July 20, 2014, 11:02:10 AM 
Started by Hopalong - Last post by Lupita
Do you think you accomplish in your job because you know you have to or else, and at home nobody will give you fear? My son is a neuroscientist and he says that fear creates more accomplishment that anything else.

It happens to me too. My work is well done and my dishes at home have to wait until the smell makes me ashamed.  LOL

 44 
 on: July 20, 2014, 10:48:58 AM 
Started by Lupita - Last post by Lupita
Oh, honey. I do understand. I'm sorry I'm so blunt.


And he, clearly, very clearly, has told you exactly what he wants you to do.

He wants you to NOT comment. So that's why I vote No Comment (from you, about her--evermore).

At the same time, another thing occurs to me... if you are distressed and upset and destabilized by being around her behavior, well there's an opportunity to set healthy boundaries for YOURSELF. You have no obligation to sit there passively and quiescent while you observe abusive behavior.

But rather than taking it up with your SON (which distresses him, obviously) -- you can just speak about YOURSELF. Your OWN well being. For example (and take this with a grain of salt because I've had a beer):

I love you all so much. But I'm going to have to take a break (go outside, not be available this week), because when you ARGUE/BICKER/CRITICIZE EACH OTHER I find I feel so upset that I can't enjoy being with my grandbaby. Please call me next week...I would love to babysit. But I just need a break from this tension. I can help and support you two but not when it's affecting my happiness. Please let me know when thing are calm and you can talk to each other respectfully.




This is what I can use, and thank you Hop ofr the time you took to write.

I have no obligation to witness this abuse.

In fact, I did it on my own. I baby sat on Thursday and she was bitching me and make me give him a bath when I did not want to. So the following day I arrived just in time for her to leave. That way she cannot give me orders.  And she did not. She just left.


Thank you for your positive vibration GS.

 45 
 on: July 20, 2014, 09:25:56 AM 
Started by sunblue - Last post by Hopalong
Oh Sunblue. I understand.

It occurs to me that you DO have a purpose and you DO
have someone to love and to take care of.

Not you.

But the inner Little Sunblue. She needs your compassion.
She is lost and needs you to hold her in your heart and
talk to her gently and rock her while she grieves.

Your patient love and compassion for her will help her
move through her grief and begin to look up again,
and be curious about life.

The trees are swaying, inviting her to remember beauty.

love to you,
Hops

 46 
 on: July 20, 2014, 09:22:36 AM 
Started by Gaining Strength - Last post by Hopalong
I believe you will create good things today, GS!
You've been loving your inner child and that allows the outer adult to tap into being alive.

If you feel engaged and active 5 minutes more than yesterday, it's a better day.

love
Hops

 47 
 on: July 20, 2014, 09:13:08 AM 
Started by BonesMS - Last post by BonesMS
The Ns are everywhere!


Unfortunately, yes!

 48 
 on: July 20, 2014, 08:47:37 AM 
Started by Gaining Strength - Last post by Gaining Strength
I had a day of learning yesterday. So much popped up before me opening my eyes to what has been controlling my life for so long.  Yet I am reluctant to get going again this morning.  I will chalk it up to habit - the long habit of fear of stepping into the shame.   I chose to believe good things will come today.  It is a totally different way of facing life. Up to now, I have been avoiding the nightmare of living. Hoping (vain hope) for the best but fearing the worst. Not today.

 49 
 on: July 20, 2014, 08:35:34 AM 
Started by Twoapenny - Last post by Gaining Strength
My thoughts are with you. I so know the feeling of looking and hoping for help to come. I hope you find the strength and courage to carry forward but I am also glad that you will rest as well. I think I'll share so more thoughts a bit later on.

 50 
 on: July 20, 2014, 08:31:49 AM 
Started by sunblue - Last post by Gaining Strength
Sunblue, im so sorry you have lost the person whom you loved and who loved you.  I hear from  your posts that you are deeply grieving. But don't forget that even though he is gone that you carry him in your heart and while that may sound like little consolation today I hope that you will come to find that he is closer than you realize now.

My thoughts are with you.

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