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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Having the hardest time
« Last post by Hopalong on October 10, 2016, 07:32:29 PM »

...those inner voices have been brainwashed about what they are by people who never took the time to actually SEE who we really are, or find out when we're our happiest and why, never really KNEW us...

What popped right up for me reading this great Amber comment was--I believe "people who never took the time" most importantly includes us. Ourselves. It's US taking the time to actually see who we really are, etc.--that is the cure. For practically everything.

Others will see or not see, contained as they are within their own experiences, lives, and struggle to see THEMselves. So as long as our focus is external, waiting for rescue from those who do see us...we may wait in vain.

Got to see, know, embrace, forgive, support, advocate for, and love ourselves. Not really in opposition to others or just because others disappoint us. But without waiting for the magical rescue-people who won't disappoint. We have the opportunity without waiting for anybody at all, to work at seeing and loving ourselves. The loving ourselves is what makes seeing ourselves possible.

That's what makes us (what's with the we/us, Hops? Obviously preaching to yourself, here) ... ahem ... what makes us ultimately healthier, less resentful, less desperate, less guarded -- all of which make it more likely that as we move through the world, we attract folks who also have healed, open hearts.

(We enjoyed our sermon.)

love to us,
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Becoming "me"
« Last post by lighter on October 10, 2016, 11:55:31 AM »
How scary, Amber!

So much to be grateful for, house still standing, and certainly everyone is going to need to push back schedules and regroup after this storm... not just you.

Breath...... keep moving, and don't forget to self care.


Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Becoming "me"
« Last post by sKePTiKal on October 10, 2016, 07:57:22 AM »
The weather guessers were WRONG. The storm was way worse than they said it was going to be for us.

Actually, a hurricane still when it got here. I found out that a tankless HW heater - even gas powered - doesn't make hot, if there's no power. I coped, but I wished I'd taken a shower before going to bed the night before!! LOL. Yes, I have a whole house generator but the HW wasn't prioritized on it's support circuits. THEN, I made brunch - bacon & eggs - and indulged myself in a movie (on the ipad - cell service was iffy for a bit but it stayed up) and finished wrapping/packing the stuff for the thrift store pickup that was postponed from LAST Wed to this coming Wed... because they needed to prepare for the storm.

So, I've had to condense my schedule a week. I don't know if that's going to work or not -- and since the movers are flexible on the actual load date -- I'm going to have to keep telling myself it's not the end of the world if I move in November, instead of October. The office hasn't really been touched (and I won't have an office per se at the new place) and the main garage needs a lot of work. Then, it's just finishing up in all the rooms.

Realtor is breathing down my neck to list - because Oct is normally a really good month. But I have a feeling the storm might give some people pause... so I don't think it's going to hurt to let that fade a little from memory. My wall ovens still aren't fixed - waiting on parts (do NOT buy exotic appliances) - and they're sitting on floor jacks in front the cabinets still.

Right now, I can't remember what my LISTS were for - LOL. I'm too busy doing what's right in front of me. Except for the storm... where I obsessed over information - and whether it matched what my own weather sense was telling me. (It did NOT; and I took a lot of crap from people when I suggested the NHC & NWS might be wrong... HA.) People said I let my anxiety color my expectations and it wasn't going to happen. Right. I'm not the one with 3 trees on my house.

But, "I told ya so" isn't going to come out of my mouth. It was a pretty bad storm; felt like the earth was screaming - the wind howled that high-pitched rending wail - and even today, the wind is STILL roaring some times.
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Having the hardest time
« Last post by sKePTiKal on October 10, 2016, 07:38:42 AM »
Along the same lines as what Tupps so concisely suggested, I'll suggest that perhaps achieving the goals you have in mind will require adopting a new set of "daily feelings" that are very outside your current comfort zone. New habits, new feelings, new mindset completely.

That "inner voice" - the one that gives you permission to procrastinate another day, that it doesn't matter for just this one day and she just "doesn't want to right now" - I find, isn't totally rational. Rather superstitious and given to "magical thinking"... in that if I make a conscious decision to achieve something and set out all the steps to do so, in such a way that I know it can be easily done... well, this freaks that inner me out. OMG... she thinks... then, if I DO do that, everything I know about me has been WRONG for so long... and I might have to do something unpleasant or delay indulging myself in whatever coping behaviors I use to maintain my comfort zone. (or conversely: what if I fail??)

Just remember that so often, those inner voices have been brainwashed about what they are by people who never took the time to actually SEE who we really are, or find out when we're our happiest and why, never really KNEW us. That kind of invalidation always puts me into a blob of paralysis and inertia that I can justify & excuse a thousand different ways... until I get mad at myself, for not standing up for me.

Me is more than that inner voice; it's the rational obsessively organized competitive motivated me too. Not just a characteristic or adjective... it really IS me.

At least, this is what came up for me, when I identified with your dilemma. YMMV of course.
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Having the hardest time
« Last post by Twoapenny on October 09, 2016, 01:28:21 AM »
Or..............just playing devil's advocate here..............................maybe they're not the right goals?  And something inside is saying, "hey, this isn't what you really want to be doing!  You're still trying to please your mum/your old school teacher/society/prove to that man that dumped you ten years ago that you're worth something"?

It's really funny that you posted this because I was talking to someone on another forum only yesterday about warning bells going off around people, and I was saying that I find they are either warning me about the other person, or they're highlighting something about me that I need to work on (another issue to deal with, lol).  And it was funny reading your post straight after because I'd been thinking about how much I procrastinate and that I do it because either (a) it's something I don't really want to have to do or (b) because it might lead to something good and the thought of being happy and content is as scary to me as being unhappy is!  Minds are funny things :)

Anyway, just offering another possible perspective, maybe spend some time thinking about why you've picked those particular goals and what the reasons are?  Your heart's desire or a desire to prove something (not that there's anything wrong with either of those things but maybe your inner voice doesn't agree?).  Maybe it's telling you to focus on inward change that's not noticeable to others instead of concrete goals that other people can see?  Maybe you're tired and you need a bit of time off from goals and to relax and do something for fun (I always find that impossible, by the way :) )?

I'm not even sure if this makes sense, it's early here and I'm typing in the dark :) x
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Having the hardest time
« Last post by Hopalong on October 08, 2016, 09:11:03 PM »
What great advice, Lighter.

((((((Ales)))))) I hear you.
Argue with it.

Argue with it.

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Having the hardest time
« Last post by lighter on October 08, 2016, 02:17:47 PM »

That voice in your head is just telling stories.  Stories that aren't true or right IME.

When you hear it, try telling yourself
"Those are just stories"
 and go back to doing what you were doing without giving it another thought.

Surely you learned lessons, and made contacts from your recent experiences that will factor in to the next set of goals you set and achieve.

You owe your time and energy to yourself.  You don't owe anything to the negative voice in your head, IMO.

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Having the hardest time
« Last post by Ales2 on October 08, 2016, 12:41:34 PM »
I'm having the hardest time regaining my discipline to move forward with my goals (many were goals I already achieved before like losing weight/running a marathon, finding a new job, finishing writing projects, having a leadership role at my professional organization etc.). I want very much to go back to feeling determined,resilient, productive, and doing the good stuff, but it ended badly and didn't yield my desired results/goals. I struggle with the "it won't work anyway" voice in my head.

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Becoming "me"
« Last post by sKePTiKal on October 08, 2016, 08:53:39 AM »
Been busy; can see the light at the end of the tunnel!

And I finally committed to a date for the movers - 10/27-28 - and they allow a couple days leeway too. Guy will come look to see how much I have to try to estimate (more closely) the weight on Wednesday. But thanks to the storm, the thrift store postponed their pickup until the same day - so I'm going to have to be in 2 places at once that day. Making sure the thrift guys know what they're loading... and the moving guy knows what they won't.

I think my realtor is a little taken aback by how much "stuff" I'm letting go. I seriously can NOT WAIT until it's out of the house - LOL. I'm so mad at this storm throwing my schedule off too... LOL. But I really wasn't ready for last Wed's original pickup date (I'm still wrapping glass shelves & art work that I don't want) and I was POOPED.

The dental appt ramped up my anxiety to untold levels because the date/instructions were FUBAR'd from beginning to end. In the end, the placement of the anchor and the pain from it was nothing like what I had from the bone graft. I'll get stitches out next week - and then plan for months ahead for the last of the work to make a new tooth there.

I've finally started to get a full, good night's sleep again, but the energy levels still aren't up where I'd like yet. S'ok... I'll get there. Some of it is the early sunset; late sunrise - and it seems as though the October time change has been pushed into November, when I remember it used to happen before Halloween. It doesn't make a lot of sense to do that... but then the whole time change seems silly.

I've finally been able to let myself think about the new space a little. It's better if I know ahead of the move, where all the furniture is going to go, while I have movers to carry the stuff up/down steps. There is going to be a lot of stuff left in boxes for awhile, after I get there... while I assess the storage space and create what I need/want in different areas. Trying to decide where kitty food & box are going to "live" so that both of us are comfortable.

I think I'm at the point now, where the "lists" are irrelevant - I'm just "doing", "tossing" and "donating" as fast as I can.

Storm isn't going to bad for us - just wet; tomorrow might get a little windy - but I have most of the shutters down already because I just had the windows cleaned and I don't want the salty rain on them. I don't fear power outages like some people do. I've lived through so many of them, with only minor inconvenience that I never understand what all the fuss is about. And of course - I have a generator, batteries, and solar chargers. It's not a big deal to me.

The US has really lucked out with this storm; but poor Haiti! I saw news that said the US is sending the USS Mesa Verde to bring in relief and medical help.
Hiya Lighter, yes, you're absolutely right on all accounts.  I do have pony lady's email details so can keep in touch, also realised she's not actually too far from someone else I know in that part of the country, small world and all that!

Everything documented, always do, have learnt that from experience.  Have requested different doctor, complaints department have got back to me and won't finish their 'investigation' until almost the end of November.  The complaint was really to get information I need now and to get paperwork corrected so end of next month is of no practical use.  Am going to leave it over the weekend but I think next week I'll just correct the letter myself and send it in and call the unit he has been transferred to now to see if they can answer the questions I have.  I just need to know more so that I can make this as easy as possible for him to deal with, he's been through so much this year and we're both completely frazzled.  So basically it looks like I'll be investigating my own complaint, lol, we might have to see that doc once more if they don't sort this out before the end of next month so I'll just have to suck that up.  Longer term we won't be under this hospital anyway as we will move out of the area (one day!) so we'll just have to muddle though as best we can until he at least gets put on some medication to control the seizures.

Did your legal case all get settled or are you still waiting for more info to come back?  How are Halloween preparations going?
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