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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: new job story
« Last post by Twoapenny on December 01, 2016, 02:13:28 AM »
Hops it all sounds like a big and positive shift, I'm so happy for you.  It's amazing what can be achieved under pressure sometimes and it's pretty incredible that you've got all these irons in the fire.  Keep us posted with what's happening, I hope all flows in the right direction :)
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: new job story
« Last post by Hopalong on November 30, 2016, 08:47:12 PM »
Thanks, Amber!
Right now it's all I can do to water two "winter" plants on the porch.
And if in addition to the 40hour FT week I manage to do the novel workshop (about 4 meetings/month for which one must PRODUCE)...I'll be lucky to stagger to bed at night.

Gardening's far off. BUT...if I can hold all these things together at nearly-67 until spring...maybe very very modest gardening plans could happen too.

Did I mention I'm doing PT for my back for 3 weeks and then starting a workout thing, starting with two sessions with a trainer who's actually attended my first PT session and will also attend my last for him to give her precise, extremely gradual exercise instructions for my fitness plan?

Every one of these things means structure, showing up, discipline...and PROGRESS, which I had pretty much abandoned in the 4 years since moving here and (essentially) losing my daughter. All of that = TIME. Not to escape, watch Hulu, or stay in bed all weekend depressed, but actually up, alive, doing something. New stuff.

It's a lot at once, and I might be biting off more than I can chew. But I'm tempted. Doing a phone appt with my T tomorrow to decide about whether to submit my app for the novel workshop, for which the deadline is Dec. 2.

A little overwhelming to be thinking of ALL these new disciplines starting up nearly simultaneously. But at the same time, it feels a lot like it could be coming back to life after a long time dead. He'll help me work through the biggest time-decision, which is the novel workshop. Very intensive and structured. But it'd put me face-first back into my own dreams and purpose for living.

He may also advise me to defer it, which could be realistic, given ADD, work, fatigue, health, age. Then again, screw all that? Maybe?

Will report back!

Have her email me. Maybe I can convert her to the dark side.   :P

(Proudly deplorable) Mud
Thanks, Mud!

I very much appreciate your reply and passed it along to my daughter, Micaela.

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: new job story
« Last post by sKePTiKal on November 30, 2016, 07:21:53 AM »
Well, if that doesn't sound like a full and fulfilling life... I dunno what does.  I do believe that you've landed on your feet Hops. Just remember that you can be friendly with the boss, but being actual "friends" muddies up those boundaries, when it comes to professional decisions sometime in the unknown future.

Maybe you can think about a little bit of garden this year? Favorite veggies and some pretties too?
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: new job story
« Last post by Hopalong on November 30, 2016, 12:40:30 AM »
I'm trying to be patient and I am kind.
Sometimes I do get frustrated...her childlike texts
sent AFTER she's supposed to be at a meeting,
full of me up the wawl.

I just want to say, please don't stop to type
me silly updates...use that energy to get to
your CAR! But I don't. I know she is coping with
a whole lot with as much grace as she can.

And I'm dragging her to our first mutual meeting
with the SCORE mentors tomorrow, which she'd
resisted a ton. So that's a relief, she's agreed to go.

Business is building, lots of detailed dialogues with
materials suppliers as we design our prototypes,
and pretty soon we'll have some in production.
Saw a guy about an e-commerce site build today.
Working on improving her ads which are not serving
her business well. We've planned a big sale for Dec.

Sometimes I react badly to the dungeony office but
I do get out. And they're flexible about those things,
way different from the former place where Nboss
sabotaged people's attempts to do self care.

All in all it's still odd as heck, but mostly interesting.
I really like the process of creating something new
where I can contribute so much. If she manages
the loans and the money works, well, it could
make retirement easier.

Just in case it's doomed, however, my plan is to
frugal my little butt to bits while I'm FT, as long as
that lasts. House paid off, emergency fund replenished,
savings set aside for replacement vehicle and HVAC.
Once I meet those milestones I'll feel that home is
secure for the duration. And I'll invest what's left.
And still hope to take a trip with a cool companion
at some point.

Some of this may work out or not, but either way,
I'm beginning to feel fortunate in my life again.

AND...I'm debating whether to sign up for a novel
workshop. Intensive, big commitment of time and
money, but that focus and support might be just
what I need to bring my own creative work alive
again while I'm still young enough to do it.

Have to apply by Dec. 2 and it'll cost two grand.
But I've been thinking about it seriously.

Doc G,
I only mentioned one part of the comment by your daughter.  The bulk of her comment was an admirable attempt at rational discussion and I don't want to leave the impression that was unappreciated or unnoticed.
Her response to her FB friend was wrong on almost every point but was again a courteous and reasoned and reasonable comment.
A few more like her would make a world of difference.

Hi Mud and Hops,

Thanks for your responses!  I'll pass them on to Micaela.


Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Tools support group
« Last post by Ales2 on November 28, 2016, 02:58:13 PM »
Quick observations from my "shadow" inventory about where I get stuck:

1. I'm determined, but my discipline needs work to match up to my goals. (determination is the map, discipline the fuel)

2. I react the "same old way" in a new circumstance, getting the same result, remaining small and not moving forward. (caterpillar syndrome)

3. I used to have a positive response to negative events. Now, I have fallen into a bad habit of having a negative response (overeating, usually on a credit card, overcharging) when things go bad. I need to go back to pre-choosing responses again, i.e when I feel bad or when negative events occur, do good anyway. (emotional override)

4. I have a deep self doubt, negativity, underachieving, smallness, ambivalence, mistrust of others. (my shadow)

5. I'm aware I need to change my perspective on some negativity. Instead of "alot of people are JERKS", I need to acknowledge "I can handle JERKS".  I can be more trusting (mostly of my abilities now with others), assertive, positive instead of feeling people/the world can't be trusted and I have to remain cynical, critical and overly judgemental, cautious. (reframing negativity)

Anyway, these were the important realizations I got from my work with THE TOOLS book and my group. And, as luck would have it, this week is last week of group, then we are on hiatus for December, and then back in January, which is just what I wanted to do!
I've been doing more research on my family history on my Dad's side and found even more unexpected surprises!!!!!
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