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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: End of the Road Farm
« Last post by lighter on April 21, 2018, 10:33:26 AM »
You sound exhilarated, Amber.

I wish I had some of that this morning. 

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: End of the Road Farm
« Last post by sKePTiKal on April 20, 2018, 02:51:56 PM »
Looks like it's still too cool for the next week, to start setting out my herbs. At least, night time temps are 10 degrees below normal. Most of May is looking chilly at nights too, but at least I won't be running a/c... not even in June, the way it looks right now.

I've got some ordering to do... I want a new watering can. Plastic ones will just blow away in this wind - which appears to be a constant in our weather for the foreseeable future.

I've been cleaning up the downstairs front porch bed. Leaves tend to collect up to a foot deep there, and I leave them, all winter long. Rhododendrons, lots of vinca, a couple roses and yellow daisies in there right now. I'll be planting spearmint in that bed, since mints are supposed to discourage stinkbugs. I need to take a rest... but then I really should get up and keep going. SOOOO much to get caught up on and now I can "see" how I want things. It's going to take time; can't happen overnight. But I want what I want - LOL.

I don't see myself building fence. But the auger is going to help tremendously planting trees and shrubs. I'll be filling the holes with topsoil and compost by hand, most likely. But the digging is what would convince me to move to a condo at the beach again. LOL.

I just NEED to be outside to start building up some strength again. It's unreal what a toll even this simple, light work is taking on me. I don't like it one bit and the only way to fix that - is work, rest, and work again.
Thank you both, yes, we are indeed very lucky to have this place, I forget other people don't sit down and pour out their thoughts and get so much useful feedback!  So helpful.

Anyway, I have been working very hard on the flat.  The carpet is down in my son's room and I've moved as much furniture in there as I can.  I can't put his bed back together on my own so a friend is coming over to help tomorrow.  Once that's done the rest of his stuff can go in there.  More stuff has gone out in the garden to make it's way to the tip or on Freecycle.  It has taken a lot longer than I thought but it will make life easier when we move as I've done more decluttering along the way.  I'll order the carpet for the smaller bedroom over the weekend and once that's done we're over the half way mark.

I've been thinking today about the reason I started this thread; namely that I needed to access support for my son and in order to do that I had to had over control to other people.  It's been interesting because I thought I had control and trust issues where these people are concerned.  As we've gone through the process I've realised I'm right not to trust them.  The only person who's followed procedure was the educational psychologist.  The education people, social services and all the doctors we've seen over the last two years have ignored procedure and in some cases lied, sometimes directly, sometimes by omission.  The system itself is toxic and I realised I'm right to presume that the person we encounter won't do a good job.  It also made me realise I am an expert on my son and my knowledge does outstrip that of many people who we encounter.  I don't have the time or the energy to hand over the reins to someone, watch them spend months getting nothing done, only to end up having to do it myself in the first place, as well as write up complaints, put in court applications and so on.  So going forward, I'm going to do everything myself anyway, take the lead with meetings and assessments and assume no-one else will bother to do what they need to.  If I do meet the odd one who is/would do a good job then I'll have lightened their workload a bit by providing all the information myself.  If they haven't done what they're supposed to it won't matter because I'll have done it so it will get processed anyway.  I think that's the most practical way forward, rather than hoping things will go well, only to be disappointed (and have to do more work).

I'm not going to let other people dictate my life anymore.  I did realise today that I'm focusing more on what I want and need rather than trying to focus on other people and what they think or feel about me and it's healthier, I feel.
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Heist on Something....
« Last post by Hopalong on April 20, 2018, 07:47:33 AM »
Couples-T turned out to be very nice, no hint of evangelism, and he's written a mature (science-based) book on RET (rational emotive therapy) for couples, has taught counseling at the university, and has had a 35-year career. We all got along and I was particularly pleased for B because this T has an athletic background and has also done a lot of corporate counseling. Neither of those experiences appeal to me but they overlap with B's life so I thought there was a nice connection for them. We have homework in the book to do and B emailed me that he's excited about it. We shall see but I'm glad to be doing this (one week at a time).

Our intros were pretty good. Mine a history, B's a step-by-step narrative of how we met and what he said and what I said and then and then. The T seemed enthusiastic about working with us. Said his "passion" is creative writing, so that's a connection for me. All I care about is empathy...figuring out if B has enough and likewise the T, to imagine/understand some of my experience. It'll help to know.

Today (couple hours, gotta pack!) we head for our Real Long Wknd. My favorite city with more reunions with friends, then the shore where B and his wife lived for years. Their friends we'll stay with are an an engineer and his artist wife, so that's encouraging! I'm looking forward to it.
May be offline for a couple days or pecking away under the covers on the Ipad at 4am.

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: End of the Road Farm
« Last post by lighter on April 20, 2018, 07:12:25 AM »
Arghh... I remember when I wanted to dig fence posts for dog area... and my father's auger had been loaned out by my brother.... years and years and years ago. 

I got the auger back, then lost the momentum to GET THE JOB DONE.... lost the thread.... lost the will.  I lost something I needed, even after the auger came back.  I guess I expected it to be put ON the tractor, but it was just plopped down, and... I lost the thread.

You get the job done, Amber, and we'll all cheer for you.


This is so exciting.  Spring at your farm!


Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: End of the Road Farm
« Last post by sKePTiKal on April 19, 2018, 11:19:10 AM »
Already ordered before you posted Light.  I NEED it this weekend, when the weather is supposed to be decent. I NEED my topsoil/compost too, around the same time. But equipment scheduled for Tuesday; and I'll need to check back in with nursery on whether they're digging topsoil yet - it's been too wet and today's weather isn't helping.
Echoing Hops..... very glad to read your last post, Tupp.  We're very lucky Doc G put this lovely forum in place... he's changed lives.  Given us voice.  \


Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Hello - need support
« Last post by lighter on April 19, 2018, 09:23:25 AM »
Welcome E:

You have many good responses from old timers already.

What I want to add is learning discernment.... along with boundaries, and how to enforce them.

We have to learn how to discern who we can trust, who can can trust less, and who we can't trust at all.

Througout our lives we file people in our hearts and minds according to their behaviors.

If we give trust to someone who's shown they aren't deserving... that's not on us... that's on them.

Giving second chances to people who can't handle a first.... that's something we can control.

The last thing I want to add is.... sometimes our pain and trauma stays front and center.... so very close.... to us and our lives.

So very present.

That's something we can work on. 

We can gain emotional distance, and find relief, IME. 

Again, welcome.

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: End of the Road Farm
« Last post by lighter on April 19, 2018, 09:18:43 AM »
Arrrgh.. that denial bug. 

Get the auger, Amber. 

You'll use the auger.

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: End of the Road Farm
« Last post by sKePTiKal on April 19, 2018, 08:45:10 AM »
You know, I think I have to call the equipment place and order an auger. I think I'm going to kick myself for not getting that particular attachment at the same time as everything else.

Digging 10 holes for the rose in rock & shale... is intimidating. Difficult. Holly said she could really work off a lot of frustration helping, but as soon as this last freeze is past (tomorrow night)... these babies need to get into the dirt.

But saying "no; I don't 'need' that" first, is all part of the denial dance I put myself through; I "should" be able to dig those holes by hand. Yep; indeed-y do. But dammit, I'm 61. I'd much rather dig in soft dirt. And I've got a LOT planting of shrubs/trees like this I want to do.

I've just about "had it" with this reflex to deny myself; make life harder on me; choose to feel like I don't deserve such & such. Downright sick of it in fact. And then the sheepish return later on... admitting I really wanted/needed it in the first place.

Boredom is indeed setting in, in the form of cabin fever. My imagination is feeding off itself - and it gets into trouble doing that. I can't remember the last time I was bored. Maybe before I quit my job.
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