Sadly, I came across a chart I made in 2006 about dating - a three step chart of things I was learning and I discover a couple of paragraphs about my Mom and how hurtful she was to me even during this time. This was pre-2008 and my discovery of her narcissism, but the issues are all still the same.
The good side is - I know her Nism/abuse true and has been for a very long time. During that time, I was always nice to her and we "got along" but I did lash out at her earlier that year over some dating game stuff that was evident to me it came from my abusive upbringing, i.e guys playing mental/crazymaking games and then turning it on me to feel bad.
The bad side is that I have been dealing with this for my entire life without resolution, so when a therapist tells you that you are "not yet ready to move on" that is complete and utter BS. I was more than ready to move on when I saw my T from 2008 to 2010, but instead of being supportive and offering solutions (nothing in his book talks anything about resuming financial independence and NC, the two solutions I need, I think its a foreign concept to him) he took advantage of my disempowered state both financially and emotionally.
Anyway, I have less than 3 pages in my journal left, and one of those pages is just an acknowledgement that maybe trying to solve these problems IS the problem, maybe its time to stop the pursuit of "solving things" and just get on living my life as best I can.
I am going to be off the board until the New Year, so all the best to everyone and to Dr. G as well. Im grateful to you all for the lessons and friends I have here.