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With over 100,000 posts and 2 million pageviews, the Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board has become a valuable resource for people learning about and dealing with narcissistic spouses/partners, boyfriends/girlfriends, parents, siblings, adult children, bosses, and co-workers--as well as other sources of "voicelessness."
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 41 
 on: December 18, 2014, 02:50:49 PM 
Started by Gaining Strength - Last post by Gaining Strength
Focusing on the stuff that is presenting itself to me - anger, hurt & self hatred.  The earliest pain of rejection is very powerful.  Time will ell if allowing this to emerge and acknowledging it whole using EMDR will bring relief.  Time will tell.

 42 
 on: December 18, 2014, 01:17:44 PM 
Started by Gaining Strength - Last post by Ales2
Sadly, I came across a chart I made in 2006 about dating - a three step chart of things I was learning and I discover a couple of paragraphs about my Mom and how hurtful she was to me even during this time. This was pre-2008 and my discovery of her narcissism, but the issues are all still the same.

The good side is - I know her Nism/abuse true and has been for a very long time. During that time, I was always nice to her and we "got along" but I did lash out at her earlier that year over some dating game stuff that was evident to me it came from my abusive upbringing, i.e guys playing mental/crazymaking games and then turning it on me to feel bad.

The bad side is that I have been dealing with this for my entire life without resolution, so when a therapist tells you that you are "not yet ready to move on" that is complete and utter BS. I was more than ready to move on when I saw my T from 2008 to 2010, but instead of being supportive and offering solutions (nothing in his book talks anything about resuming financial independence and NC, the two solutions I need, I think its a foreign concept to him) he took advantage of my disempowered state both financially and emotionally. 

Anyway, I have less than 3 pages in my journal left, and one of those pages is just an acknowledgement that maybe trying to solve these problems IS the problem, maybe its time to stop the pursuit of "solving things" and just get on living my life as best I can.

I am going to be off the board until the New Year, so all the best to everyone and to Dr. G as well. Im grateful to you all for the lessons and friends I have here.  Very Happy

 43 
 on: December 18, 2014, 08:55:15 AM 
Started by Gaining Strength - Last post by Gaining Strength
Ales - what a great approach.  I think it helps profoundly.

 44 
 on: December 18, 2014, 08:53:20 AM 
Started by Gaining Strength - Last post by Gaining Strength
I've been binge watching old episodes of The Amazing Race. I am so drawn by the variety of ways people deal with the stress of the competition and difficult tasks and situations.  In one season the boyfriend is calm and even keeled and the woman is high strung.  At one point she yells at him to become more anxious.  It reminded me of childhood memories of my father demanding such a reaction.

I'm also remembering how I wasn't allowed to be happy when he was angry or irritated.

 45 
 on: December 18, 2014, 08:46:41 AM 
Started by BonesMS - Last post by BonesMS
http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2014/12/dear_prudence_my_family_teases_to_show_affection_but_my_boyfriend_doesn.html

 46 
 on: December 18, 2014, 04:49:13 AM 
Started by BonesMS - Last post by BonesMS
http://www.creators.com/advice/at-work-lindsey-novak/tragic-childhood-admission-alters-the-workplace.html

 47 
 on: December 18, 2014, 04:45:45 AM 
Started by BonesMS - Last post by BonesMS
http://www.creators.com/advice/annies-mailbox/a-life-or-death-battery-change.html

 48 
 on: December 18, 2014, 12:19:16 AM 
Started by Garbanzo - Last post by Garbanzo
My mother has texted me today asking to meet with me this Friday. What would you do? She makes it sound quaint, meet at a place that is a store with nice things for sale, have some lunch.

She only wants to see me once or twice a year. The whole time she barely asks about anything important in my life. The most she might say is ask me what size shirt I am wearing and make some kind of assessment about me being thin or un-thin. As soon as she meets me she is already telling me when she is needing to leave. She knows exactly in five minute increments how much time she has been hanging out with me. It is some kind of familial obligation ritual which I do not understand.

It only seems to be a detriment to myself when I avoid people. Doesn't matter how unsatisfying it is to hang with them.

I hear a voice inside of me saying "why bother"   She wants to go to the store I do not. She wants to eat lunch out, I do not have much interest. Why does she do it?  


Well she sent me another text demanding that I tell her tonight if I will meet up with her. I told her I was exhausted from working retail during pre Christmas rush which is true. I told her "do whatever you want".   There I released her from any obligation, I bet that is all she wanted anyhow.

I called her after I got off work today and she seemed glad, she didn't want to drive to meet me anyhow. She started complaining about driving. So there it's over for now.

 49 
 on: December 17, 2014, 06:56:27 AM 
Started by BonesMS - Last post by BonesMS
Not sure how accurate or reliable the news is....I've heard that Alex Trebek had a run-in with an NWomb-Donor who demanded a special exception to the Jeopardy rules.  When Mr. Trebek explained the rules, the NWomb-Donor complained to the show's producers that Mr. Trebek was "mean".  The producers tried to persuade Mr. Trebek to re-tape the segment to appease the NWomb-Donor and Mr. Trebek said "No".  NWomb-Donor's attempts to manipulate the show's host, show's producers and the show's rules turned into an EPIC FAIL!

 50 
 on: December 17, 2014, 04:47:31 AM 
Started by BonesMS - Last post by BonesMS
http://www.creators.com/advice/annies-mailbox/dont-turn-a-temporary-molehill-into-a-permanent-mountain.html

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