For me (since it's so fresh in my mind from reminding myself) - my self-worth was based on how available I was to my mom, for her to continually drain me, and insist that her warped perception of me was reality. My perception of my strength was based on how much of that I could "take".
When I broke free of that household, I then spent my time "doing" for those I cared about. Replacing that relationship, in other words. "Empty nest syndrome" was a tough one for me... but it also HELPED a great deal, too... when I could face that reality head-on. Then there was Mike and caring for his Mom... both gone. A life-time of people pleasing... and in my case, seeking any form of validation (no matter how twisted) that I mattered to someone ELSE. For the things that mattered to ME, about ME.
IMO, self worth comes from an honest assessment of "who you are" - in what ways do YOU matter to YOU? Which parts do you defend against unfair criticism? What kinds of things invoke the feeling of "all is right with your world"? What won't you part with under any circumstances (as in, one of your own traits)? What weaknesses would you identify as being "okay to tolerate", or "must do something about"? Do we always HAVE to do something about who/what we are -- to be "good enough" to be connected to others?
OR... maybe we just need to accept that those "bugs" in our psyches are really "features"... and even though it's a most improbable combination... it's what makes uniquely "us".
Imagine you are someone else. And responsible for taking care of Tupps in the best, wisest way possible. What does that consist of? What do you need to encourage yourself to do? Why, in your judgement? When Hops mentions having compassion for yourself... do you know what constitutes compassion, for what, and why? (Yes, I'm still being analytical here and not terribly emotional. Sometimes we have to persuade our brains - with it's own tactics - to step aside and get out of the way of needs to happen.)
I'm trying to make sure I understand that word, myself.