This Easter represented another first for my family and I. Over the last 8 months since my dad died, there have been a number of them: first Thanksgiving and Christmas without him; first birthday without him and now first Easter without him. They have all been very difficult.
However, as more time passes, I become more aware of the collateral damage that comes with being raised in a Narcissistic household and then losing one of the parents that created the environment. In my case, I realized that I lost a sibling (brother) who opted to turn his back and walk away from his family--including me--even though I was not at fault for creating the situation. Instead, he has consciously and deliberately "adopted" his wife's family as his own. He is as completely invested in them as he is disinvested in me and our remaining biological family.
I feel utterly abandoned and betrayed although I understand his feelings towards my parents and their N/Co-D behaviors. Still, if is both painful and humiliating to watch him (and his family including my only niece) completely turn their backs on me without a thought. Another holiday like today just emphasized that.
So many losses! Is this common? How can a sibling never look back and be so happy doing it?
All I can feel is deep betrayal and even deeper sadness. We lose both parent and siblings leaving nothing but a trail of loneliness and aloneness. I now must face and accept this new layer of reality.
Has anyone else experienced similar sibling collateral damage?
I'm sorry for your situation. I have to say I am quite like your brother in a lot of ways. I have very little contact with any of my siblings because I just find it too difficult and too painful to deal with. It's not their fault, or anything in particular that they do or say, but I find just being around them gives me the old feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, being dirty, stupid etc and I just can't handle it. So I don't have an awful lot to do with them and if I'm honest I would love to find another family, as your brother has done with his wife's, and take them as mine. It's no-one's fault, I know it's such a hard situation to be in. My heart aches for not having a family but I just can't have the ones who are left, there's too much damage there and it's just too tough. So it might be that your brother is in a similar situation and finds life easier when he's not faced with reminders of what used to be. Hard on all of you but I would say try not to take it personally (easier said than done, I know), he might just be coping as best he can the same as we all are
Sorry for your loss, it's another blow to deal with.