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I have one minute to jump in here.

We talk about old pathways in the brain, and creating new ones

The old, heavily traveled  pathways are thick and heavily myelinated....covered in fat.  Our default is to use them.
 Building new pathways takes time, and lots of practice.

It takes lots of energy, as you wrote about, Tupp.

The brain accounts for aporix 2%of body weight, but uses up to 30% of our energy when  engaged at higher thinking cortical levels.  The lower brain requires less energy, from mid brain to the brain stem, as we go.   I was shocked at how exhausting it is to DO what you were doing on your yoga mat, Tupp.

You're mindfully building new pathways, using your frontal problem solving lobe.  It truly burns up energy, and crys out for calories to sustain that level of engagement.  It's a thing
:: nodding::.

By the way, the brain continues burning energy when we're sleeping!  No wonder we sometimes wake up feeling exhausted after big dreams.  Our brain is still working hard.
The good new is, we can build new pathways, and we can form new defaults.

Eat Omega 3's, and vitamin B's, and produce oxygen with activity to support the brain.  Keep pushing through the old habits.  Change will come.


Lighter

Lighter, thank you.  I'm glad I pushed through it yesterday.  I rested plenty yesterday and didn't push myself with anything else.  I think that's something to learn; when is it right to push and when should we sit and be still?  I feel better today than I have for a long time.  I woke up with a bit of energy (even though I didn't sleep very well) and I feel like I want to do things today, instead of feeling that I have to force myself to do things.  I'm trying to write down how I feel each day, how much sleep I got, where I am in my cycle, what the weather's like, what I ate and drank and so on, to see if I can work out more about how external things affect me, instead of internal.  Things are definitely harder to manage when I'm very tired.  I have noticed/reminded myself again that when I crave coffee, sugar, junk TV it is usually a sign that I'm tired and I need to sit down and put my feet up.  Not always possible, but I'm going to try and do it as often as I can.  Interestingly I also feel less like being a hermit.  We're going out in a bit and I'm hoping we meet some people to chat to along the way.  I think that's a good sign.  Yes, keep on keeping on, and I agree with what you say about new habits and pathways.  I think what's important for me now that son is at college is that I develop good, healthy habits before I move on to things like work or making new friends/hobbies/meeting men.  I want to get myself in a really good place where I won't fall back in to bad habits (too much) if I take a risk (with a job or a person or a new activity) and it doesn't go well.  I want to develop healthy habits to get back to if I'm having a bad time rather than my current unhealthy ones.  How are things with you? xx
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: End of the Road Farm
« Last post by Hopalong on September 22, 2018, 12:52:27 PM »
The things I'd hate most (even if I had a wonderful D and excellent communication with her, that was not fraught or exhausting) would be:

1) I'd resent her for becoming my inevitable "minder" as age does what it does
2) She'd resent me for hampering her opportunities to move on in her life if they appear (but not admit that to herself or to me)

Again all in hindsight, and from very different family experience...were I to design my perfect old age it would include frequent visits from my wonderful completely free children, but...my daily independence/assistance with same would come from my hand-pick of a good, solid, honest, reliable and kind-hearted person who is not my relative.

xxoo
3
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: End of the Road Farm
« Last post by sKePTiKal on September 22, 2018, 09:28:11 AM »
Well, there is an opportunity in the situation for me to work on one of my long-standing "problems", if she does stay. But it's fraught with the implication that I need a "minder", or am aging to the point that someone needs to keep an eye on me.

And there isn't any problem with us being able to communicate - even when we do rub each other the wrong way, we're able to talk it through and actually accomodate the other. So.... we're thinking, discussing, she's reflecting - and so am I.
4
I have one minute to jump in here.

We talk about old pathways in the brain, and creating new ones

The old, heavily traveled  pathways are thick and heavily myelinated....covered in fat.  Our default is to use them.
 Building new pathways takes time, and lots of practice.

It takes lots of energy, as you wrote about, Tupp.

The brain accounts for aporix 2%of body weight, but uses up to 30% of our energy when  engaged at higher thinking cortical levels.  The lower brain requires less energy, from mid brain to the brain stem, as we go.   I was shocked at how exhausting it is to DO what you were doing on your yoga mat, Tupp.

You're mindfully building new pathways, using your frontal problem solving lobe.  It truly burns up energy, and crys out for calories to sustain that level of engagement.  It's a thing
:: nodding::.

By the way, the brain continues burning energy when we're sleeping!  No wonder we sometimes wake up feeling exhausted after big dreams.  Our brain is still working hard.
The good new is, we can build new pathways, and we can form new defaults.

Eat Omega 3's, and vitamin B's, and produce oxygen with activity to support the brain.  Keep pushing through the old habits.  Change will come.


Lighter


5
Is it just to do with not being allowed to have a nice time or be happy?  I was doing the yoga, and it's a self love routine on YouTube, it's a nice practice.  I got about half way through and my trousers started to fall down and I thought wow, this is toning up my belly already.  And my next thought was "I don't want to do anymore" and I literally felt like I couldn't move.  I really wanted to just switch it off, put the yoga mat away and put the telly on.  I gave myself a minute then forced myself to start moving again and it was genuinely physically difficult to move.  I go through to the end - very clumsily!  But I kept thinking, am I just not allowing myself to be happy and enjoy life?  Is that what's at the base of it - I'm not allowed to enjoy life?
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Tupp, that's EXACTLY what I've been experiencing.
Knowing what works and ignoring it, not having the will to help myself.

I have an invite for this evening and have battled several times today with the urge to cancel. Same thing, exactly...

I am working hard to understand what underlies this self sabotage.

I get it, I really do.

(And like you, I know it can change...it will change.)

love
Hops

It's so frustrating, Hops, why do we do this?  I can see it so clearly now, but even yesterday morning I still had a million excuses as to why I can't do x, y or z.  When I make the excuses - whether it's to myself or to someone else - they seem so real and concrete, but today they just seem ridiculous.  Of course I can do some yoga and meditate rather than watch telly - I can do both for just ten minutes each and it makes a difference - and I can still put the telly on afterwards.  Is it the perfectionism?  A sort of 'well I can't do it perfectly because I don't feel great so I won't do it at all'?  It's craziness.  I am aware that a lot of things on my to do list are quite boring and that I put some things off for that reason, but I don't even put them off to do something more interesting, I just put them off and watch crap on telly - all the while thinking, "this is crap, I don't even want to watch this".  Argh!!  Lol.

I was awake early so I have watched a big chunk of a box set this morning but that feels different; I'm not getting up at 4am to do anything, especially at the weekend.  I did put my sun lamp on a little while ago as well and I'm about to do some yoga in front of it.  I think I just need to try to get some good habits in place while I'm in this mindset and then try and stick to them.  I hope you got out to your evening thing, Hops - we will have to try to unsabotage each other! lol x
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: End of the Road Farm
« Last post by Twoapenny on September 22, 2018, 03:22:54 AM »
That's a good point from Hops, kind of like a get out clause - maybe agree from the outset a regular review period.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: End of the Road Farm
« Last post by Hopalong on September 21, 2018, 05:53:30 PM »
Quote
seriously asking myself if I really WANT Hol to live here... or go her own way, just not too far away. I probably should've sat with that question before I made the offer.

Oof. That is indeed a deeply serious question, ((((Amber)))).

(Obviously, my experience affects this opinion.)

Something I profoundly wish is that with both my mother and my D, I had join into our joint living arrangements with an absolutely crystal-clear "contract" between us that in each instance, we both agreed openly and without pretense that we'd do this for six months. And then re-evaluate.

It's hellish to recognize that a family home share isn't good for you later in life, and by the time you do...it's even more hellish to make a change.

Good luck with this--I have faith you'll think your way to the right approach for you.

Hugs
Hops
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Tupp, that's EXACTLY what I've been experiencing.
Knowing what works and ignoring it, not having the will to help myself.

I have an invite for this evening and have battled several times today with the urge to cancel. Same thing, exactly...

I am working hard to understand what underlies this self sabotage.

I get it, I really do.

(And like you, I know it can change...it will change.)

love
Hops
10
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: End of the Road Farm
« Last post by sKePTiKal on September 21, 2018, 12:39:08 PM »
Holly got home Wed night. Now the hard part starts - deciding what she's going to do, work-wise, where she wants to live, etc. She had an appt in B'more today - but even doing a round trip is short driving for her, given the last leg she drove. That was about 12 hrs straight.

She had a premonition about one of her friends and Matt while on the road. She checked it out, and it appears there is some hanky-panky going on... which she is actually HAPPY for them. But Matt took the opportunity to lash out at her again, accusing her of lying and trying to manipulate him and doesn't believe she's actually happy for them. That knocked her down a bit. But she's processed that pretty satisfactorily. Now, he wants her to move all the rest of her stuff out of his house. SIGH.

I guess he's entitled to changing his mind, but logistically, this might not be possible for a couple of weeks. At which time, she may be working on a new 6 wk long project - with no guarantee of more work there, in the future. It's still all up in the air.

I need to order extension brackets for the big blind in the office to clear the window hardware.

Kinda taking some time off, with my feet up and being lazy today. And seriously asking myself if I really WANT Hol to live here... or go her own way, just not too far away. I probably should've sat with that question before I made the offer.
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