Recent Posts

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Well I'm still dogsitting, and he's desperate for attention - he can play 24hrs; I can't. So I'm not doing much at the moment. You'll get caught up.  ;)
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How are things with you, Bones?  The fluffy black cat turned out to be a stray; our neighbour has taken him in as they didn't have any luck finding an owner.  He's a very nervous cat, not keen on people and has attacked the kind neighbour who is feeding him and looking after him now :)  But hopefully he will settle over time.  He comes into our garden every morning to drink out of a bowl of rainwater - he has clean fresh water in a nice bowl inside his new home but likes to have a drop from the grubby plastic pot on our back step :)  They are so funny.  He's a beautiful looking cat so hopefully over time he'll relax a bit.  We're not seeing as many cats now as the weather's turned and I think they're staying indoors in the warm.  Ours has got to have a tooth out so I need to get on and get that organised.  Showed up in a routine check; it's funny how they can be poorly but not show it.  I hope all is well with you :) xx

Thanks, Tupp.

I'm a bit slow in responding as my laptop crashed and I'm limited to a tablet.  I'm still trying to figure out a solution.

I met a new cousin last week through DNA.

I'm terrible with tablets and smartphones, I just can't get the hang of them!  I hope your laptop can be fixed.  Does the new cousin seem nice?  I know some of your relatives have not been great to have around.  I hope this is a nice one :) xx

I know what you mean.  A neighbor gave me her Lenovo laptop but it appears I'm going to have to restore it to factory specs to try to get it to work right.

My newfound cousin seems nice.  I've only met him last Thursday.  He's trying to find out about his birth father.  He's where I was in 1997, trying to search for the truth amid all the dysfunctional lies told by various relatives.  The DNA doesn't lie.  He thought I was his sister because of the DNA.  His late bio-father was my first cousin once removed.
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How are things with you, Bones?  The fluffy black cat turned out to be a stray; our neighbour has taken him in as they didn't have any luck finding an owner.  He's a very nervous cat, not keen on people and has attacked the kind neighbour who is feeding him and looking after him now :)  But hopefully he will settle over time.  He comes into our garden every morning to drink out of a bowl of rainwater - he has clean fresh water in a nice bowl inside his new home but likes to have a drop from the grubby plastic pot on our back step :)  They are so funny.  He's a beautiful looking cat so hopefully over time he'll relax a bit.  We're not seeing as many cats now as the weather's turned and I think they're staying indoors in the warm.  Ours has got to have a tooth out so I need to get on and get that organised.  Showed up in a routine check; it's funny how they can be poorly but not show it.  I hope all is well with you :) xx

Thanks, Tupp.

I'm a bit slow in responding as my laptop crashed and I'm limited to a tablet.  I'm still trying to figure out a solution.

I met a new cousin last week through DNA.

I'm terrible with tablets and smartphones, I just can't get the hang of them!  I hope your laptop can be fixed.  Does the new cousin seem nice?  I know some of your relatives have not been great to have around.  I hope this is a nice one :) xx
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Cross-reference my farm thread post about the medical system bullies, Tupps. Your bullies are the legal/aid system... but there are things in common to both of them. We will figure out how to deal with them - on our terms - and disabuse them of the idea that they can just push people around... and treat them like data in a case file, and NOT like real autonomous human beings.

I really do not believe that this is too much to ask - nay, insist on - and my recent experiences made me realize just how much suffering & stress people who work in that system experience too. I've found myself extending the simple kindness of understanding & support to several of them... who were clearly in need of a stress-relieving giggle or a bright point in their day. They were clearly miserable on so many levels.

I was just reacting & resistant to the prison-mentality of their system, and their expectation that "patients" will automatically bow to their authority, judgement - and not think, feel, or decide a thing on their own.

<shakes head>

All I have to do, is convince a handful of people... show them a better way... and then, they'll convince 5 people...

I am catching up on your thread, Skep, but you're so busy it takes me ages to catch up on everything you've been up to!  I'm getting there, you'll have to not do anything for a couple of days so that I can get to the end before you up date it again :)  Lol.

Yes, my attitude now is that I organise what I'm doing and I'm not jumping to their tune.  They don't follow procedure, they're not professional and their lack of ethics horrifies me.  I'm not willing to let this keep affecting me so they're given the opportunity to do their jobs properly - usually more than once - and if they don't, then it's complaints and legal action.  I don't share your empathy for them in their stressful jobs, simply because they can change their job if they want to.  The people using the services don't have any other option and there's no way for me to escape from the stress and the horror they create in my life.  I'm polite, I send in the information they need, I put requests in in good time, but if they then choose to ignore procedure and fabricate reports to prevent my son from getting support then I go ahead with complaints and legal action.  And it does feel better at the moment.  The counsellor has really helped and I'm plodding through today, getting a bit of work done and then resting, doing a bit more work, resting again.  I can see a light at the end of the tunnel now so things are moving in the right direction, albeit slowly!  Now you just need to not do anything else until I've got to the end of your thread lol xx
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Cross-reference my farm thread post about the medical system bullies, Tupps. Your bullies are the legal/aid system... but there are things in common to both of them. We will figure out how to deal with them - on our terms - and disabuse them of the idea that they can just push people around... and treat them like data in a case file, and NOT like real autonomous human beings.

I really do not believe that this is too much to ask - nay, insist on - and my recent experiences made me realize just how much suffering & stress people who work in that system experience too. I've found myself extending the simple kindness of understanding & support to several of them... who were clearly in need of a stress-relieving giggle or a bright point in their day. They were clearly miserable on so many levels.

I was just reacting & resistant to the prison-mentality of their system, and their expectation that "patients" will automatically bow to their authority, judgement - and not think, feel, or decide a thing on their own.

<shakes head>

All I have to do, is convince a handful of people... show them a better way... and then, they'll convince 5 people...
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I'm imagining simply picking one or three - no more than that - simple joys of the season to focus on. No matter what you encounter during that season - your enjoyment of those simple things are reserved to you; no one can ruin a smell, beautiful music or happy lights for you.

And no matter what else occurs during the season - You can enjoy these things! I've already got a bayberry candle out. I'll probably cut fresh cedar to make some simple swags, with a red bow and maybe some jingle bells wired on.

Holly and I are still brainstorming ideas about "different" for this year. I'm not going to be able to get a passport in time (mine's expired). So that nixes Norway or Iceland... and she's not looking forward to more cold after working in it the past week. Neither one of us skis, but we look pretty good in the clothes - LOL. But there are some lovely spa retreats around here, with excellent cuisine.

The search for a wacky idea is ongoing. She didn't like my squirrel pie idea... LOL.
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How are things with you, Bones?  The fluffy black cat turned out to be a stray; our neighbour has taken him in as they didn't have any luck finding an owner.  He's a very nervous cat, not keen on people and has attacked the kind neighbour who is feeding him and looking after him now :)  But hopefully he will settle over time.  He comes into our garden every morning to drink out of a bowl of rainwater - he has clean fresh water in a nice bowl inside his new home but likes to have a drop from the grubby plastic pot on our back step :)  They are so funny.  He's a beautiful looking cat so hopefully over time he'll relax a bit.  We're not seeing as many cats now as the weather's turned and I think they're staying indoors in the warm.  Ours has got to have a tooth out so I need to get on and get that organised.  Showed up in a routine check; it's funny how they can be poorly but not show it.  I hope all is well with you :) xx

Thanks, Tupp.

I'm a bit slow in responding as my laptop crashed and I'm limited to a tablet.  I'm still trying to figure out a solution.

I met a new cousin last week through DNA.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: End of the Road Farm
« Last post by sKePTiKal on November 11, 2018, 07:31:36 AM »
In the fall, there are a series of bug "invasions" - as they look for warm places to try to survive the winter. Not many stinkbugs this year. Not as MANY ladybugs. And a handful of wasps. When they sealed the outside logs, the nests were all removed. But a bug is persistent. I found a large hornet's nest next under the deck too. It's cold enough now, to spray it and knock it - and all the other beginning wasp nests I can reach - down. But the trick that will defeat them is going to be caulking on the inside upstairs. If there are no air gaps - they can't get in, unless they come in on us or the dog.

I've been dogsitting Knuckles, while Holly finishes up this movie. She should be home by the end of the week. Then she's back for the winter... trying to decide what's "next". All my baseline med tests came back fine - except of course, cholesterol. So I did some digging, having read something recently that turned "conventional wisdom" on it's head. I wanted to make sure I knew what I thought I knew - before I decided to fight for "my way" of dealing with it instead of the usual statin Rx. Seems that after 60, taking statins actually INCREASES the risk of heart disease. This conclusion was based on assessing the results of many, many studies over many years in Great Britain. The re-evaluation also suggests that a higher level of cholesterol in older people, than the "accepted range" actually protects cardiac health somewhat. Either that - or for some people, a higher level is NORMAL for THEM.

He wants me to do bloodwork again in 3 months. In February. LOL. When we're most likely to have 3 ft of snow. But then - all I am, is a case file of data to him. They have already added Lipitor into my file - althought I've never been prescribed it. Had to explain to the LPN, that it was suggested ONLY and I am not taking it. So, because of the rote, one size fits all "system" and fix it with Rx mentality... this exercise in making sure there's nothing "happening" in my body that I'm unaware of (for Holly's peace of mind, too)... has now made me subject to the "accepted medical wisdom" and the "system" that feels it is entitled to TELL ME WHAT DECISIONS ARE RIGHT FOR ME, based on a "one size fits all", very strict and small range of data.

Boy did they pick the wrong person. I did not remove his head in the office visit - but I did rattle off all the things I've been doing (including not remembering the blood test was supposed to be fasting)... that I'm aware of will help keep me as healthy as I am. It was something I discussed with him in the very first visit too - but of course THAT'S not IN my file, so he doesn't remember. Then, I got into the online test results.

Validation really feels good. My cholesterol number that bothered him (it was just triclycerides) wasn't that high. It very well could've been the chicken soup I had 2 hrs before they drew blood, creating that situation. Most of America is OVERmedicated. Throws a person's metabolism, energy flow, and chemistry completely out of whack - needlessly. And then the body becomes dependent on those medications... and entropy takes over. NO THANK YOU.

I think the thing that irritates me the MOST, though... is that the reliance on blind data (with no other factors considerd) and the basic ASSUMPTION that they then have the right to tell a person what they WILL DO -- as if we were all children, and it was for our own good; and that we have no choice or autonomy in the matter. My response is and will remain a giant FU to that mentality. I didn't decide to go through this... because I didn't feel well. I did it to prove to Holly, I know my body - and while my methods don't provide immediate results - the slow and gradual way is healthier and longer-lasting... than getting artificially "fixed" and facing a lifetime of poisons needlessly.

You know how I'll fight to be believed. LOL. No, I'm not as fit or strong as I was at 40. But I'm in damned good shape for 62 and the fact I'm taking no medications whatsoever, is still one of the big shockers to the people looking at my chart. Yes, I'm becoming more active all the time. Yes, I'm learning more about nutrition and how that fits into the balance of health. Yes, I have vices to control.

I'm a human being and I ain't putting those chemical poisons in me, when there are other ways to get the same results. I GET TO DECIDE THAT. Not THEM. I didn't GO THERE... for HELP. I went for the tests to prove I knew what the hell I was talking about.

Heh... heh... I don't "have to" go back, either. They can't make me. So there.
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Woo hoo, Tupp.  We have to celebrate those little victories, and honoring yourself, your time, and your health THIS TIME is just such a victory: )

You're so right.  Building, and reserving your energy is necessary.  Hear! Hear! to carving new pathways, feeling entitled to advocate for yourself, and reframing problems as just what they are......problems, not crisis. 

Well done. 

Regarding one of your prior posts about your expectations for the future... about happiness not being about constantly turning cartwheels all the time.... (paraphrasing here)....

Maybe health is about reducing stress where we can, at every level.  We take in good nutrition, we breath/move/meditate/exercise, and excise toxic people, and situations as we can, when we can.

That's how we get up on our boards, and surf, rather than get pounded by heavy surf.

We more easily float, rather than struggle back to the surface, over and over.

Floating, rather than getting pulled under, and struggling to the surface, again and again.

Swimming with purpose, rather than swirling around in a whirlpool helplessly.

You're capable, and overtly competent, Tupp.  This T knows that.... can SEE it.   

You've moved yourself into safer waters.  You're T is helping you shift into the present... to occupy that space, and live in it.  To stop reacting.  To identify reactivity, calm it, and build new pathways.

As always, I'm in awe.  You inspire me, ((Tupp.))

Lighter







 

Yes to all of that, Lighter!  I think perhaps for me now the focus isn't happiness, but health.  My physical, mental and emotional health all help me to cope day to day.  And yes, for me, that is absolutely about keeping stress levels down and having time to eat well, rest, sleep, do yoga, walk, go to the beach and anything else that makes me feel good (or at least not any worse!).

I think as well I have realised there is no rescue party coming.  I gave up on the knight in shining armour thing many years ago, but I have always felt that some sort of big life change would come and it would make me happy.  Now I'm focusing more on trying to  make the most of what's here and now and not keep waiting for something to happen before I start doing what I want to do :)

With that in mind, we headed to the beach yesterday.  It has become son's Saturday thing to play on the slot machines at the beach front arcade so we headed off to do that.  It was a beautiful day, cold but sunny, and I wanted to push myself a bit.  There's a bar on the beach front which I've looked at longingly several times but not gone in to.  It's quite small and the lack of anonymity makes me anxious, as do the reactions of some people to son in enclosed spaces (because of the noises and rocking he does at times).  I also have that guilt about spending money on unnecessary drinks - we can buy them much cheaper in the shop, right?  But I want to change, I need to change, so we went in - and it was lovely.  The whole front of the building is glass and you can see out across the coastline for miles.  The interior is small but they have a large outdoor area and a big balcony (we'll head to that bit next time).  The guy behind the bar was lovely, very sweet and friendly, and they've made tables out of old surf boards and chairs out of big steel barrels - son thought it was amazing.  We were having our drinks when we started to hear music coming towards us.  I looked up towards the main road and there was a rock and roll convention heading towards us :)  Thirty or so people, all dressed in their 1950s gear, rock and roll blaring out on their sound system, all heading for the bar.  They came in to get drinks and they were all so sweet, ages from early twenties to late 70s, I'd have said.  One lady, who must have been 70 if she was a day, had this beautiful red dress with the full skirt and the stiff petticoats underneath, all her hair and make up in the 1950s style, the most amazing handbag.  She just looked incredible.  One guy was on sticks but he didn't let it stop him, they were all out jiving on the sea front :)  It was just incredible, people were stopping to film them and I thought wow, if I'd just gone to the shop to buy a drink and gone home we'd have missed all of this.  We'll definitely go back; they do live music there once or twice a month so I'm going to take son one evening and see how he gets on :)

So yes, stop reacting :)  Float rather than flounder, prevent nervous breakdown rather than keep surviving it.  I feel like I've realised I can give myself permission to live my life the way I want to, I don't need to keep waiting for someone else to do it for me.  And it feels good.  Although scary!  Lol xx
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Gingerbread men lights sound cute, Lighter!  Someone on our bus route has started putting all their lights up; they've not switched them on yet but it's obviously a labour of love, they've got hundreds!  The kids will love it :)

I don't know quite what's going on but ...............................once or twice in the last couple of weeks I've felt a bit festive?!  This doesn't usually happen to me, I'm normally quite grumpy about it all by now.  But I've actually caught myself quite looking forward to it at moments?  Very odd, lol x
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