Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: sKePTiKal on September 13, 2017, 04:01:55 PM

Title: Just the crap I've been up to - LOL
Post by: sKePTiKal on September 13, 2017, 04:01:55 PM
No, it's not really a list. But it started with one!  :LOL:

For three months, I've pretty much had contractors here 4 days out of 7. We're not done yet - but it's getting CLOSE. All the windows and new doors are in; there's some trim yet to complete. The front door mechanicals - the latching system - was screwed up at the factory. So it's boarded, to keep it shut until the new door can arrive. That's not till the last week of the month.   :grumpy:   My front porch is my second living room. I have to walk around - through raindrops sometimes - to get to my covered porch right now. Inconvenient; not what I wanted... but not permanent, either. All in due time.

Contractors have moved on to upgrading the deck railings (they can finish trim in the rain) while the sun is kinda shining. Painters are sealing up the old logs, the new wood and slightly changing the colors. It's gonna look nice. I'm doing the poly on the inside of the windows - it raw pine; and have stained the lower bits of new wood in the living room. The upper part of that former big wall of windows... can just be what it is. It'll age. LOL.

Wood insert & new woodstove are installed. I have another bat in the firebox of the woodstove downstairs. I'm waiting till he's good & dead, before removing him.

I got up way too early this morning, because the arborists were here to take down about 8 trees before 7:30 am. They were done by 10 - brush chipped; logs sawn to size and stacked. Very impressive. So, assuming I can get my buddy to get HIS buddy with the bobcat to get my shed location squared away - I can call Texas and tell 'em to send my barn & shed on the truck up to my area.

Well company is going to inspect the submersible pump on Monday. Electrician coming Friday to replace GFI outlet outside that's exposed to weather. Then I just have to deal with ordering wood (most of what was cut today is NEXT YEAR'S wood; it has to dry)... deal with the water quality in the studio... and move a bunch of stuff into the new buildings so I can work in the garage this winter! LOL.

You know it's hard to find 63" long curtains now a days? I need to try searching again. (THIS is why I sew and need to get my studio set up.)
Title: Re: Just the crap I've been up to - LOL
Post by: Hopalong on September 14, 2017, 06:14:38 PM
Your to-do, am-doing, gonna-do, planning-to-do lists absolutely flippin' amaze me, PR.

It's an exhilarating Action Journal!


Title: Re: Just the crap I've been up to - LOL
Post by: lighter on September 14, 2017, 09:38:45 PM
Wowsers, Amber.  That's quite a list. 

Sorry about your front porch, but hey.....


You have a really great porch! 

I'm so channeling lovely outdoor space in this cool weather.  I took all the light things off my back porch, and it's still in my keeping room, which means I have two messed up spaces right now.  I'm ready to have my porch back too.

Yesterday my back went out so I did some research on creating a moss yard.  I found a local gal who has a moss nursery, and she had a site consult cancellation that fit my schedule.  All the news is good, basically, but I'll post the detes on another thread.

I'm glad you're getting your porch back soon.  The fall is such a lovely time to enjoy it, IMO: )
What are you doing with all the milled wood?  Are you using it for the shed?


Title: Re: Just the crap I've been up to - LOL
Post by: sKePTiKal on September 15, 2017, 03:23:39 PM
Firewood, Lighter - I have two new woodstoves to break in before peak heating season.

I MOSTLY have my porch back now. The painters are done here and the deck railing fence is up. I just have to hike from the back of the house around the deck to the front now. LOL. And yet this morning, I STILL tried to open the front door.    :shakes head: - that Pavlov sure knew what he was talking about!

I spent 11 hours in bed with the heating pad last night. Woke up somewhere in the middle to worry about various & sundry nonsense, and went back to sleep. Electrician was here - found an additional outlet to make safe - it's all done and we had a nice chat while he was working too. He totally is easy to be around - oozes that calm, it's all under control male energy. Not bad looking either - but he has a really sweet wife, too. (Just my luck!!)

Moving freshly cut to length logs after a crazy busy week was just about all my poor body could take. That wood needs to season - NEXT YEAR'S wood. I'll buy pre-split this year. So I talked myself out doing a single useful thing today, while I recharge the tank. I will get around to the list of things that's my part of these projects - soon enough. And I work fast too. So, I don't have to overdo, and can rest when I need to. A big huge list of important things got taken care of this summer - and we're real close to the finish line. There's more to go - but these were the essentials. The rest will happen at a more leisurely pace.

I'd like to get a massage, a haircut, new glasses and find a new dentist. In that order. And finish up the "little" projects I have hanging around, half finished... from this year's list. My arms hurt from moving the logs (in a good way) - the back is fine after supine application of heat. But it's clearly time to empty my brain of everything it's trying to file into "complete", "ongoing/WIP", and still yet to get done categories... and just embrace cabbage-head-hood. LOL.

Time for a sappy afternoon of chick flicks or an epic historical drama. Popcorn. Graze all day... and replenish the calories I've been burning.
Title: Re: Just the crap I've been up to - LOL
Post by: lighter on September 15, 2017, 09:27:19 PM

I have to admit, I love splitting wood.  Especially when I'm splitting it with people who're really good at splitting wood, like my brother and BIL, from Canada.   I learn so much.... things go so well... I don't have to worry about watching someone put their hand in the wrong place over and over, etc.  It's another form of walking meditation AND you get all those lovely stacks of wood to burn!

I didn't have time to split all the logs we had last Christmas, so left them under the shed roof to dry out all summer.  The guys move the trees, and cut them, with heavy equipment.  It drops right at the splitter so I don't have to worry about anything but splitting and stacking.  I think BIL tried to teach me to handle the chainsaw last year, but I have too vague a recollection to trust myself without another lesson.   

Next project at my father's is sealing the decka.  I decided on the clear Flood product again.  I hate researching it every 3 years or so, but it has to be done.  I haven't found anything that impresses me more. 

You sound really good, Amber.  It's nice to read your updates: )  How is kitty doing?

Title: Re: Just the crap I've been up to - LOL
Post by: sKePTiKal on September 16, 2017, 11:56:22 AM
Mio-mio is better. Uses the box to pee in - I'm still finding "presents" other places, but sometimes she'll even put them in the box. She's been confined to my bedroom most of the week, because the contractors have been in/out - and of course taking out a window or door and there's no way to keep her in the house, otherwise. Queenie is settling in - and has been adopted by the painters while they're here. She's been on flea/tick stuff this summer and just got her first dose of wormer. THEN, when it turns cold and the contractors are done - I'll try introducing her into the house.

I'm still having "Michael dedication music nights" - about once a month. Last night was another. It's kind of amazing how fresh the grief stays. But I just dive right into it now... wallow till it's time for bed... and get up the next day and go on. It seems to work out OK to do this - and kinda feels like I'm taking care of my self in the process. Not that I'm fit for human company during those times, mind you. I know I'm definitely open to another relationship some time down the road - but I'm not actively "looking" either.

I did sign up for Our Time - the over 50 online dating service - and so far, haven't seen any reason to subscribe. LOL. I don't have any interest in dealing with most of the kinds of guys I see "looking". Kinda seems like shopping in a thrift store, of old worn-out clothes that I have wonder where that shirt or pair of pants have been... and not sure I even want to touch it! LOL. Maybe it's kinda like grandkids, too - I enjoy them when they're around - and am really relieved to give them back. I have set Holly to keeping an eye out in the city for me, too. I'm not sure we really have the same taste in men - but she's got a pretty good idea of what I might find interesting.

I'll be getting out more and doing things again, when these projects are done. The long list of essentials (to my way of thinking) has provided a reason (or excuse) for me to take my time processing the grief and practicing interacting with guys again. A big part of that practice - is simply just getting to know ME and how I respond to different guys; what I find interesting or attractive or reliable in them. I don't if there are any guys (my age) who might entertain a more casual relationship than "going steady". They all seem to want mommys, housekeepers and nurses... and I've done my share of that in relationships. Not attractive to me anymore. So, I'm kind of my own worst enemy at this "dating project".

With Ronnie around - and his crew of younger guys that are all willing to help out around here for the place to stay during hunting season (and some of my improvements in that area are for them too)... I think it's do-able to try what I want to do here, by myself. His brother was here this morning with the backhoe, and build a shale pad for my little shed -- and fixed up the road into the "huntin ground" too. He said to call him if I need help with anything and Ronnie's not around. It seems like a good deal to me... I might have to throw in some breakfast and cold "beverages" once in a while. And I keep an eye on the wildlife for 'em.
Title: Re: Just the crap I've been up to - LOL
Post by: sKePTiKal on September 17, 2017, 09:14:27 AM
Checking into Tupp's thread, I realized how seldom I actually experience guilt these days. It's kinda like losing 200 lbs. Guilt pulls in - like some kind of black hole - all kinds of other mixed up, homogenized emotions too. I used to put it on in the mornings, like my underwear. It was constantly with me.

I wonder when that happened?   :shock:

I don't think I really worked at trying to get rid of it. I didn't even spend a lot of time over-analyzing it, like normal. Only way I think it's explainable, right now... is that coping with my grief about Mike helped untangle all my emotions into those separate threads of yarn. So I could now point out each one individually, they have their own distinct colors and flavors. Yeah, it took a lot of TIME. Time processing the feelings - by just feeling them. While I kept busy with other things.

The other thing that helped maybe - was putting myself on the "right path" for me. In my location, activities, and giving myself a great big corner of these hills to create my own "country"... things the way I envision them, that I tend, nurture, improve, and help become an oasis of tranquility. I have been given full "command authority" here (from my doc friend) to "make it so". And that seems to be affecting me in some really positive ways. Only now, just noticing.

I'm making more intuitive decisions - and have stopped second-guessing myself at every step of the way. I no longer worry if I've expressed myself in "an acceptable fashion" - or if what I'm expressing is socially acceptable or politically correct. I just AM, me, warts & all.

HUH. Who'd a thunk it? I guess I don't need to know HOW it happened, but I sure am glad it did.
Title: Re: Just the crap I've been up to - LOL
Post by: lighter on September 17, 2017, 10:39:52 PM

I was thinking today about getting out of one's own way, and what that means.

Putting down the worry, for me...
you put down guilt, Amber....
let's call it whatever negative stuff we're carrying... if we can put it down, we free ourselves to pick up other things, IME.

My step father always said never to pick up anything when your hands are full, and I think about that a lot. 

Worry was a habit for me. Part of my identity, and who would I be without it, right? 
It's nice to find out.